What Has Changed

I am no longer wearing his dog tags daily, the results? I feel much lighter without the constant reminder that he is gone hanging around my neck, weighing me down.

I have stopped counting down daily. Although this was somewhat kiboshed this evening when I got a call that would normally make me ecstatic....

I was given CB's possible arrival dates and it's sooner than I had expected! Why am I not more excited??? What's wrong with me? There was no jumping for joy, no rush of happiness, just a mediocre sense of meh.... Anyways there was tons of good news with that call and I'll make sure to make a post deserving of it soon.

Back to what I am doing differently!

I am no longer going to centralize my life around him. I am going to rely on myself, do what is best for myself, and stop getting ahead of myself. So basically, I'm pulling back. Don't get me wrong, I love him dearly and want him in my life for long term but it's the only way, at the moment, that I can see coming to terms with the new conditions of our relationship once he puts his plan in action. If I am still stuck in a head-over-heals follow-you-to-the-end-of-the-earth mindset with him, I wont put my needs above us and the reality is I'll need to otherwise my school and work will suffer.

And as far as doing as he asked and seeing his plans in a positive way, I think I have accomplished that to some extent as well. I have come up with an idea for him to test out this whole flipping houses thing. Since he will be selling his place, I think it's only smart that the 4 of them work together on making minor improvements on his house so that he can get the most money for his current place and have a larger security net, just in case. They'll get to see how well they work together, he'll hopefully up the value on his place, they'll learn what skills they need to improve on, and they'll also hopefully learn which areas are the best to invest in, in a house.

....I still don't get why the 4 of them wouldn't be approved for a mortgage if they all went in together but that's a rant for another day....