Who Cries In Public?

I do! At work!

They day started off great, I got in and we were having technical difficulties so no one could work till 2pm. We sat around talking, having coffee, and just bonding while we waited for them to fix whatever was wrong. After a couple of hours of this they moved us all into the restaurant where they gave us all free lunch and we ate in the dark.Overall a great way to start the day. I ended up getting to know 2 coworkers a little better and bonding with one who has been through deployment as well.

As her and I are sitting in the dark and shes showing me pictures of her man when he was overseas, CB messages me on facebook. Have I mentioned yet how much I love my blackberry??? CB and I got to send a few messages back and forth. It hurt my heart though, I could tell he was having a rough day. He never messages me first unless he is replying to what I sent the night before, he was straight out mushy without me prompting it, and he was asking to call.  Stupid IKEA and your tin roofs, I barely could keep reception and there was nowhere private enough to talk so I had to tell him it wasn't the best time to call... That left me a little upset, who ever wants to turn down a phone call? But I figured that would be easier on both of us than repeated dropped calls and not being able to talk.

Anyways fast forward into my shift, it's now 6pm and I am counting down the minutes till I am free. Don't 2 soldiers get into the line beside mine. It's a slow night so there is no where else to focus my attention on and I can't stop noticing them. I turn to my left and tell one of my coworkers to quickly tell me a joke and make me laugh because I can feel tears building. (He is aware of my situation and ex military) He comes through and I start giggling. I then had to turn around to talk to my customer but instead one of the soldiers is standing directly in front of me. He smiles at me, says something and moves my ladies basket out of their way.

Well that was all it took! I quickly wrapped up with my customer and bolted to the bathroom where I broke down. I was in there for a couple of minutes and realized staying in there alone was only making it worse. I pulled myself together, wiped the mascara off my face, and went back to my register. The same guy who I had asked to tell me a joke stopped me on my way back. He is such a sweetheart, he asked if I was okay enough to be hugged and I said yes. He told me to go take a few more minutes if I needed them and I told him I was fine. He knew I was lying and tried to insist I go back, I refused. Once I got to my cash, I realized why he was insisting I go back to the washroom, the soldiers hadn't left yet. I just turned my back to their direction and sniffled as I called out "I can help the next person over here!". The lady that came to my line looked at me like I was crazy as I sniffled and scanner her items...Not that I blame her.

Crying in public is not okay!

Have you ever noticed when you hear a new word or phrase all of a sudden it's everywhere?? Well apparently it's the same concept for things you miss. Miss something and you will see signs, hints, and many other things that remind you of what you miss.

What the hell am I going on about? CB! I miss him.
There was a man who smelt like him on the bus. There were men in camo everywhere, I swear I saw at least 5 of them. Not to mention how many people I noticed in D.U.'s. Of course I think I noticed every single cute couple on campus. Every lecture I had today somehow tied in either military training, clips of the soldiers away at war, and PTSD.  Oh and lets not forget how my playlist only seemed to have sappy songs on it.
(This is me noticing psychological theories in action, if you are in a sad mood you pick up on "sad" cues, if you are in a good mood you will notice more positive cues.)

Anyways, all of this just to say I cried in the middle of a packed city bus......

No, I did not sob like a mad person and start hyperventilating. I am not that insane.

You see.. what happened was the bus was crowded, I gave my seat to an elderly woman and was left standing. I had one hand holding onto a bar for dear life with the other trying to keep my heavy ass bag on my shoulder (freaking laptop apparently gained weight and now weighs a ton). Now that's all fine and dandy, I'm use to it.

What is not all fine and dandy? Me being all down and out missing CB and a playlist that insists on playing every single sad song I have ever downloaded one right after the other. I mean it went from Lifehouse to Sia to Marron 5 to Boys II Men (yes you may laugh at my music choices). Now normally I would just reach into my pocket and just skip over songs or reshuffle everything, and I did try when I felt my eyes getting watery but every time I tried I failed, epically.The first time my bag fell right off my shoulder. The second time I let go of the bar when we were stopped just to have the bus take off by the time I had unsnapped my pocket, I almost landed on my ass. Thank you kind sir who caught me.

Only picture a woman, on a bus, falling in a crowd backwards, not forwards. Not exactly sure what search words should be used to find that photo on Google image so you'll have to use your imagination a little to edit this one.

By the 3rd time it was too late my eyes had been tearing up this whole time and my mantra to myself "crying in public is not okay:" apparently was useless because among a bunch of strangers I began to cry...

The tears just rolled down my checks and I couldn't stop them. My emotions overtook me and I became helpless to fight them. I have come to the conclusion I am suffering from either a very big case of the "blues" or a very,very mild depression....
To get over this the plan is as follows: get a job, make some money, get a gym membership and work out. Working out releases endorphins and endorphins make you happy. Pssh who needs psychologist when you can self diagnose and develop your own action plan to getting better!

*What I miss about him most - his innocent  "I wasn't doing anything" face when hes being mischievous