Scared

I don't know where to start today so I'm just jumping straight in!

I will warn you, you probably don't want to know any of this and it is all probably WAY too much information into my life. That said...

I got a call back from the doctors office concerning my test results. What test results you ask? My lovely lady test results that can only come about after being violated and told to scoot closer to the end of the table. Hey, I warned you! I got the call Monday and have been having a mini panic attack since. I've never had a test come back that required me to go back in. I've managed to calm myself down a fair bit since the call, but Monday I was stuck in worse case scenario mode.
Now not only do I have to go in tomorrow to receive my results, which did I mention part of the reason I got so freaked out was partly by how depressed the receptionist was when she called me...she sounded like she new something was wrong. Yes, I have come to realize that I have probably exaggerated her tone in my head. Okay so asides from hearing what the doctor has to say I now have to ask for a pregnancy test. That's right. I take birth control for 1 month and manage to screw it up. Happy 24th birthday to me!

Now either I am an idiot at taking pills, which I'm not. I took each one every night roughly on time. Or, and this is where I think things went wrong, the pharmacist is a LIAR & AN IDIOT who misinformed me on when I could stop using a second form of birth control and when the pills would be "active". If this is the case I will be going to kick him in the face tomorrow. Luckily for me the doctors office and the pharmacy are side by side!

Poor CB, I think I completely freaked him out with all this. I really wish he could be with me for tomorrow. I hate doctors and I'm really scared.

Speaking of CB, and onto happier news, he gave me his dog tags. I had asked for them randomly a while ago and only ever mentioned it once so I was really surprised when he brought them home for me. I plan on wearing them every day till he gets home.

We only have a month left together, and not even fully as he still has to be away for work for most of it. I'm trying to cherish every moment, memorize every little detail, and appreciate every second he's here. I know his time left here will fly by compared to the months he will be gone so I am determined to fill my mind with as many memories of him as I possibly can to get me through his deployment.

He brought me home all the information I need to ship him things like what I'm not allowed to send, box size and weight limits, all the drop of places and what not. Now I just have to start putting together ideas of things to send. Apparently peanut butter is a must and his protein. That freaking jug is going to limit what else I can put in the boxes each month. It's huge!

We've been watching Lost together when he's home and since we wont finish the series by the time he leaves we've decided to watch it while we are apart so we can have something to talk about. I named my bear after Hugo in lost, his name is Huge-O. We're also going to plan our very first vacation together for when he gets home and when I wrap up that semester.

I've started breaking down almost nightly about him going...I'm trying to hold it in and keep it from him. It really got bad when I read/watched this.We had a talk the other night about what he thought would be the hardest part of all this. For me, he thinks it will be the time I have with him before he goes and the weeks right after he leaves. I have to agree with him. Like he pointed out, I'll get to spend time with him here and get use to having him around just in time for him to leave. And so of course the subject of me waiting for him came up and I told him there was nothing that could keep me from him. I told him if he was brave enough to go I could be strong enough to stay and wait, and I will be. It make take ever ounce of strength I have to get through it but he is worth it, we are worth it.

Off to wash the mascara off my cheeks lol

You know those days when...

I could not have picked a worse week to decide to quit smoking, apparently!

I've been smoking for 8 years. Wow, that's scary.

My plan was to cut down drastically and finish the last 5 in my pack and be done with it.
I had 1 with my morning coffee, it didn't do anything for me, I didn't enjoy it.I had 1 on my drive to work with the intention of only having one more on my lunch break. I enjoyed this one.

I got to work and had to go work in the kids section, ALONE! It's back to school season if you haven't noticed and every brat and they're mom are out shopping for shoes instead of having their afternoon nap!! Okay so I'm just kidding, the kids are adorable, it's the parents that are the pain in the ass in most cases.
*I couldn't find a picture of someone drowning in shoe boxes, so just picture the bags as boxes*

Apparently I wasn't informed but our back stock room is suppose to be magical and I am suppose to have an endless supply of every shoe in every size. Oh and while we are living in the world of make belief lets say it cleans its self too!

PARENTS - Shoes run out of sizes, especially when they are on sale! It is not my fault you a) did not get here when the sale started, b) didn't get here promptly when our fall shoes arrived, and c) that your kid needs a popular shoe size! Please keep in mind that I do not do the ordering or make the shoes! All I am responsible as far as your kids and their shoes are concerned is measuring their stinky little feet, making recommendations, finding the stock for you, making sure you buy 2+ items, and trying to sell you shoe care.

I knew I didn't want to go to work before I left this morning. I was right.
I sold 1,000$ off kids shoes in an hour. I was now ready for cigarette # 3. It tasted like shit, I only smoked half of it.
This is the mess I pretty much came back into after my little smoke break. I cried a little.

I was completely stressed out by my lunch break that I had my last 2... Shame on me. I didn't enjoy either of them... My stress only continued through the night and I bought a new pack, the guy the sold me the pack pissed me off more as did everyone else at the gas station.

I'm just curious, how the hell is a health care card WITH MY BIRTH DATE, AND PHOTO not a photo ID??? The idiot wouldn't take that but he took a random paper given to me as a temporary licence that has no picture what so ever over my health care card... WTF?!

So long story short, I've smoked 6 today and have a brand new back. FML, I suck at quitting.

Somebody give me a hug!!

*What I miss about him most today - how laying on the couch watching Lost with him is my favorite distraction.

Back to Reality

Well well well.... I am officially another year older....

My birthdays usually follow a certain theme every year, it's always the same one, the theme is "Let's make your birthday nothing about you" which usually is a huge disappointment because I love my birthday, well any holiday for that matter.
This year wasn't too bad. CB did an amazing job of focusing all the attention on me. Friday we went out for an amazing dinner, Saturday my girlfriends came to town and we went mini putting with CB and his little brother. It was awesome I felt like such a big kid, it was this massive glow in the dark place and they gave you glow sticks and all that jazz. I played horrible! But then again so do all us girls. We all ended with a score of about 60 points....and here's the worst part so did CB!! CB's a sore loser... lol it was cute, I think he actually pouted in the dark.
The girls were suppose to come back with us and have dinner and what not but instead they decided to stay at the hotel which annoyed me slightly but I decided I wouldn't let it get to me. That worked out perfectly until one of them actually had the nerve to message me and ask me to drive downtown and see them at their hotel.

Now let me explain, normally this wouldn't be an issue but you see the original plan from months ago was they were suppose to stay at CB's with me so we could all be together and not stuck in a hotel room. Things got complicated when more people were suppose to come so when she booked the hotel room I didn't say anything. Now fast forward to Saturday we spent an hour figuring out a way to check them into a hotel, get them back to CB's, and then get all of us downtown. As CB and I are on our way to go get them they decided it was too complicated and wanted to stay at the hotel.They way I see it is, you didn't want to come to CB's why should I have to come alone to see you when I've already had a few drinks, and be the one that has to go pick my car up in the morning all hungover?

On to a happier note CB made my birthday he spoiled me.
He got me a secret present that I didn't show anyone, cause well that would just be awkward, as well as a HUGE stuffed teddy bear that I have to name still. Any suggestions?
He got me him to sleep with while he's gone on deployment...which I realized last night is coming up fast. I cried myself to sleep...hopefully CB didn't notice.

And yes my room is obnoxiously pink! I love it! Shh!

He's back to work today and it felt weird, I really got use to having him home. I was so lost with myself I went to go buy a puzzle to keep myself busy. Usually work would more than keep me busy but we have been over spending on hours and not making our budgets so everyone's hours have been reduced until further notice. I think this is a little backwards thinking as it's back to school shopping and we need to be fully staffed in order to server our clients, keep the store clean, and stay on top of everything.

School starts back up soon, can't wait! I'm so ready to nerd it up! If only my books weren't already sold out...WTF?!?!?!

*What I miss about him most today - is the way he still makes a fuss over his morning breath but is still the first one to try and kiss in the morning

Oh before I forget
I almosted blurted out I L _ _ _ Y_ _ the other day but started cracking up laughing instead. Of course CB being CB he kept bugging me till I passed out. First this the next morning I think I got away with it but noooo! First words out of his mouth "So why were you laughing last night?" My mind went "Fuuuuuuck!!!" So after a few minutes of his pestering I told him don't be naive, and he replies I'm not I've known since last night!
Whammy! I am not so slick...
I never came out and said it if you're wondering.

C is for Cookie

I am officially a cookie monster... I can shamefully admit that I just stuffed my face full thanks to Mr. Christi's chocolate chip cookies! Fair warning Mr.Christie my scale will not be thanking you in the morning after I toss it out the bathroom window.

CB has been away this week but luckily I get to pick him up from the airport tomorrow!!
I realize I am horrible at posting everyday when he is home and that's mainly because he has no idea I've started this yet and I don't just plan on sitting down next to him while he plays star craft...? star ship??...anyways some computer game and just start blogging. I may have to tell him about this at some point...

I've recently started taking birth control again, after being on it for like 5 years and stopping for the last 2 since I was convinced it had something to do with a lump I had found in my breast. Anyway back to the point, every night at 10pm an annoying little alarm goes off on my phone and I walk downstairs to take my pill like a good little girl. To make this process more interesting my alarm says "Time to take your anti baby pill!!" which only made me laugh the first time. The new plan to keep me interested and remind me to take it will be as follows:
Step 1 - buy 6 months of pills
Step 2- count how many pills there are in a 6 months supply
Step 3 - Use my birth control pills as a calendar to keep track of CB's tour when he does go over
My mom got a good laugh out of this plan when I told it to her. She couldn't figure out why I was so interested in take my pills so intensely while he's away.

And just a quick note this is officially the first year I don't celebrate my birthday all week, this year it will only be a 3 day event! I felt this was important enough that I needed to write it down some place.... lol

*What I miss about him most today - the way he always laughs at me when I drive and reach out to rest my hand on his leg. He some how seems to think this is behavior only appropriate of him.

Off to count to sheep