Scared

I don't know where to start today so I'm just jumping straight in!

I will warn you, you probably don't want to know any of this and it is all probably WAY too much information into my life. That said...

I got a call back from the doctors office concerning my test results. What test results you ask? My lovely lady test results that can only come about after being violated and told to scoot closer to the end of the table. Hey, I warned you! I got the call Monday and have been having a mini panic attack since. I've never had a test come back that required me to go back in. I've managed to calm myself down a fair bit since the call, but Monday I was stuck in worse case scenario mode.
Now not only do I have to go in tomorrow to receive my results, which did I mention part of the reason I got so freaked out was partly by how depressed the receptionist was when she called me...she sounded like she new something was wrong. Yes, I have come to realize that I have probably exaggerated her tone in my head. Okay so asides from hearing what the doctor has to say I now have to ask for a pregnancy test. That's right. I take birth control for 1 month and manage to screw it up. Happy 24th birthday to me!

Now either I am an idiot at taking pills, which I'm not. I took each one every night roughly on time. Or, and this is where I think things went wrong, the pharmacist is a LIAR & AN IDIOT who misinformed me on when I could stop using a second form of birth control and when the pills would be "active". If this is the case I will be going to kick him in the face tomorrow. Luckily for me the doctors office and the pharmacy are side by side!

Poor CB, I think I completely freaked him out with all this. I really wish he could be with me for tomorrow. I hate doctors and I'm really scared.

Speaking of CB, and onto happier news, he gave me his dog tags. I had asked for them randomly a while ago and only ever mentioned it once so I was really surprised when he brought them home for me. I plan on wearing them every day till he gets home.

We only have a month left together, and not even fully as he still has to be away for work for most of it. I'm trying to cherish every moment, memorize every little detail, and appreciate every second he's here. I know his time left here will fly by compared to the months he will be gone so I am determined to fill my mind with as many memories of him as I possibly can to get me through his deployment.

He brought me home all the information I need to ship him things like what I'm not allowed to send, box size and weight limits, all the drop of places and what not. Now I just have to start putting together ideas of things to send. Apparently peanut butter is a must and his protein. That freaking jug is going to limit what else I can put in the boxes each month. It's huge!

We've been watching Lost together when he's home and since we wont finish the series by the time he leaves we've decided to watch it while we are apart so we can have something to talk about. I named my bear after Hugo in lost, his name is Huge-O. We're also going to plan our very first vacation together for when he gets home and when I wrap up that semester.

I've started breaking down almost nightly about him going...I'm trying to hold it in and keep it from him. It really got bad when I read/watched this.We had a talk the other night about what he thought would be the hardest part of all this. For me, he thinks it will be the time I have with him before he goes and the weeks right after he leaves. I have to agree with him. Like he pointed out, I'll get to spend time with him here and get use to having him around just in time for him to leave. And so of course the subject of me waiting for him came up and I told him there was nothing that could keep me from him. I told him if he was brave enough to go I could be strong enough to stay and wait, and I will be. It make take ever ounce of strength I have to get through it but he is worth it, we are worth it.

Off to wash the mascara off my cheeks lol