I should not be left alone to my own devices...
Tonight is the first night I'm sitting here thinking...How strong am I really? Can I do this?How am I going to do this? How will this change me?
No one around me understands what I'm going through. They all just say "you're crazy, I don't know why you'd put yourself through this." or "6 months is nothing, it'll go by fast."
Well listen here ladies! I didn't choose this! It came along with the man I love, it's happening to us. 6 months is half a year, it is long. I bet you would think differently of how long 6 months is if I threatened to take away your cell phone for that. Yes, I realize saying it's not that long of a time period is the nice thing to say but I don't want to hear it right now. Right now 6 months seems really, really long. Right now 6 months is longer than we have been together. In 6 months I'll finish a regular school year. In 6 months the leaves will all fall, the snow will blanket us, I will fall countless times, eventually it will melt and when its all melted and gone and the trees start budding he should be on his way home. In 6 months I will break down endless times, sleep alone for 180 nights, need him more than I'll probably ever let him know, get frustrated, among many, many other things.
Today the days seem long, the nights seem cold, I feel weak, alone, and afraid.
The only thing I'm sure of at this moment is that I love him, my heart is breaking, and I will be there waiting for him when he comes home. Oh and I'm an emotional wreck right now and I really need to invest in waterproof mascara.