Saturday, October 9, 2010

Stupid youtube

I stupidly watched a stupid video on youtube and have been crying off and on ever since.
I should not be left alone to my own devices...

Tonight is the first night I'm sitting here thinking...How strong am I really? Can I do this?How am I going to do this? How will this change me?

No one around me understands what I'm going through. They all just say "you're crazy, I don't know why you'd put yourself through this." or "6 months is nothing, it'll go by fast."

Well listen here ladies! I didn't choose this! It came along with the man I love, it's happening to us. 6 months is half a year, it is long. I bet you would think differently of how long 6 months is if I threatened to take away your cell phone for that. Yes, I realize saying it's not that long of a time period is the nice thing to say but I don't want to hear it right now. Right now 6 months seems really, really long. Right now 6 months is longer than we have been together. In 6 months I'll finish a regular school year. In 6 months the leaves will all fall, the snow will blanket us, I will fall countless times, eventually it will melt and when its all melted and gone and the trees start budding he should be on his way home. In 6 months I will break down endless times, sleep alone for 180 nights, need him more than I'll probably ever let him know, get frustrated, among many, many other things.

Today the days seem long, the nights seem cold, I feel weak, alone, and afraid.
The only thing I'm sure of at this moment is that I love him, my heart is breaking, and I will be there waiting for him when he comes home.  Oh and I'm an emotional wreck right now and I really need to invest in waterproof mascara.


  1. Hey I can totally identify! We've been through one 6 mo. deployment and the 2nd will be here very soon... people who look down on you because it's not over a year truly don't know what they're talking about. It's all hard. Also - I am sooo close to quitting my job haha-with you on that one too. Hang in there - I love your blog and am following now! :) Take care and feel free to shoot me a message if you ever need some support.

  2. It is hard! It's my first experience with such a long absence and I have no one around me who has experienced anything similar. At times it feels like I have no one to lean on so I do really appreciate you offering your support it means a lot!
    As far as quitting the job.. it's really freeing, but now I have way too much free time which lead to the youtube fiasco last night.
    I'm following you as well, I really enjoy your blog.