Rule # 3!!

Another day, another rule!
And here it is:

•  Do not go over to his house while he is away!

Cece asked me to come over to spend some time with her at the condo, CB's condo that is, which I've been avoiding for a while now but finally gave in because I had to pick up some things he had asked for.  Well I was right in wanting to avoid going over. It hurt like hell. I knew exactly what was going to happen...

I parked my car, got out, and walked to the front door and I froze. I knew the second I rang the doorbell what I would feel and what I would expect. I stood there for a minute lost in memory. This exact moment is one I always look forward to so very much when he is home. After spending a week away from each other, I love the anticipation of walking from my car to his front door, ringing the bell, feeling my butterflies grow in my stomach as I see him come down the stairs and the best part of getting to kiss and hug him as soon as that door opens.

Well tonight was very different. Tonight I froze. Tonight the legs I saw coming down the stairs were not his. The face looking at me with a smile in the window was not his. The kisses I got as a greeting were on the cheeks and not from his lips. Tonight the person that greeted me was not him. This hurt more than I was prepared for. This I kept to myself.

We had coffee, we talked, she showed me her room that she just painted, we ate pickles, we had a good time. But it just felt like he was missing the whole time. She feels the same way I do, it's hard on her as well so I take some comfort in that. We have each other to a certain degree. I can just never tell her how uncomfortable I am there, it isn't fair to her. So I'll suck it up and hopefully keep our meetings out in the public.

The second to worst part was going into his room. I just wanted to climb into his bed, curl up with his pillow and sob. Obviously that would be bad quest etiquette, so I held myself back. It wasn't easy. I just kept reminding myself he wasn't the last person to sleep there so hugging his pillow would just be creepy, I'd be curling up with his brother's smell. So what did I do? I stole his cologne!!! Okay so technically it's not stealing cause I asked him if I could before hand, but still.

CB called today so that put me in a great mood. We were talking about his care package and what not and he asked for a "mixed tape". Now I'm not sure if hes serious or not but obviously I'll send one anyways. I figure I'll go super corny and put a bunch of old school love songs or all Britney Spears. He's played a few of her slow songs a couple of times we were together so I figured that might make him laugh.

The other idea I got was a DVD of video clips of me with little messages. I originally just wanted to e-mail him a clip of me saying hi but he said it wasn't a good idea. When he mentioned the mix tape I got the idea of a "mix tape" DVD. Now as far as all the different messages I'll send I have to think of something cute fast cause I'd like to ship everything Monday. I'm open to suggestion!! Please help!

*What I miss about him most - his warmth.