And here it is:
- Do not go over to his house while he is away!
I parked my car, got out, and walked to the front door and I froze. I knew the second I rang the doorbell what I would feel and what I would expect. I stood there for a minute lost in memory. This exact moment is one I always look forward to so very much when he is home. After spending a week away from each other, I love the anticipation of walking from my car to his front door, ringing the bell, feeling my butterflies grow in my stomach as I see him come down the stairs and the best part of getting to kiss and hug him as soon as that door opens.
Well tonight was very different. Tonight I froze. Tonight the legs I saw coming down the stairs were not his. The face looking at me with a smile in the window was not his. The kisses I got as a greeting were on the cheeks and not from his lips. Tonight the person that greeted me was not him. This hurt more than I was prepared for. This I kept to myself.
We had coffee, we talked, she showed me her room that she just painted, we ate pickles, we had a good time. But it just felt like he was missing the whole time. She feels the same way I do, it's hard on her as well so I take some comfort in that. We have each other to a certain degree. I can just never tell her how uncomfortable I am there, it isn't fair to her. So I'll suck it up and hopefully keep our meetings out in the public.
CB called today so that put me in a great mood. We were talking about his care package and what not and he asked for a "mixed tape". Now I'm not sure if hes serious or not but obviously I'll send one anyways. I figure I'll go super corny and put a bunch of old school love songs or all Britney Spears. He's played a few of her slow songs a couple of times we were together so I figured that might make him laugh.
The other idea I got was a DVD of video clips of me with little messages. I originally just wanted to e-mail him a clip of me saying hi but he said it wasn't a good idea. When he mentioned the mix tape I got the idea of a "mix tape" DVD. Now as far as all the different messages I'll send I have to think of something cute fast cause I'd like to ship everything Monday. I'm open to suggestion!! Please help!
*What I miss about him most - his warmth.