Bad Blogger

I haven't blogged in forever....It's been really hard trying to find a balance between CB, school, work, and well everything else. I can't say blogging has been a priority of mine lately! There is way too much time lost to catch up with CB that blogging has just lost it's importance to me.

When he first came home it was weird and took us about a week and a half to adjust to being back together but once he took me out on a date just the two of us things fell back right to where they were before he left. I think we are better now than we were before. We are openly talking about our future together and the things we'd like. He even offered me a key to the house but I declined. I really have no need for one since I'm only here when he is. What I do need though, is some closet space lol!!! Living out of a bag SUCKS! You can never pack enough clothes, hair stuff, and shoes into one small lulu lemon bag!!! I swear I would need a suitcase lol.

CB has given up the idea of moving back to base to live in the shacks and I am incredibly happy about that. He has discovered some real estate some where else in Canada that looks rather promising so I am very happy about that as it means he will be staying in the house here and continuing to come home on weekends. YAY :)

For once I don't really have anything to whine about.... Well I do but it's only a possibility and I'll save that for when it becomes more of a reality, if it ever does.

Oh and on a side note, CB's neighbors are having a full out war! The cops are here all the time. There is dog poop and city pillions being left on door steps, knocking on walls at all hours of the night, cameras being put up to watch each other, and it is finally ending in an eviction this friday. The worst part is, the one doing all the tormenting is a 35 year old father of a 3 month old baby. And who is he tormenting? A retired married couple who are so sweet and friendly. I don't get it. We had to give a statement last night and the cops hit the man with a 400$ fine. They warned us that he may get more annoying afterwards and up until his eviction on friday. They weren't kidding, after he got the fine last night the banging on the walls intensified.
What I don't get is how his baby sleeps through all this noise he is making?? You never hear her cry....

He's Home!

Don't have much time for a long update, he's losing pretty bad on ps3 online and I'm sure that means we'll be leaving the house soon for errands.
The homecoming went well. Cece annoyed me slightly....she didn't understand that I was nervous and scared and said I was stressing her out. His little brother made it in and CB was really surprised so I am happy about that.I didn't cry as much as I thought I would when I first hugged him, it hit me later that night.
We are doing well but there are moments where its strange. Just a quick example, we went to Tim Hortons, I ordered the coffees, he went to pee, without even thinking I walked outside and started heading to the car totally forgetting he was with me.
I was right....I'm being dragged to go start todays errands.
MY BOYFRIEND IS HOME!!!

...Can't bring myself to get out of bed...

What the hell is wrong with me? I am so blah and down that I have barely gotten out of bed today. I'm skipping class, I feel exhausted, my body hurts all over, and I am just down.
CB is due home shortly and I feel nothing....
I didn't change the number on either of my countdowns, haven't done the happy dance, and haven't even shouted "my boyfriend is coming home" today.

I think all the anxiety and stress has taken a final toll on me today and wiped me out. I still am worrying about a million different things.
Cece is insistent that I sleep over the night before, she doesn't seem to understand that sleeping in your boyfriends empty bed in a house that some bitch took over isn't appealing.
She is also insisting that we go out that night.
Then my mother put a whole other set of worries in my head. My mom and I were reading over the integration package I was sent, since I couldn't make the meetings, when we realized I should have asked for one in french for Cece. She is so caught up in herself and so far removed from the situation that I'm scared she will not think before she opens her mouth.
AND SHE WONT RETURN MY PHONE CALLS!!
How else am I suppose to figure out what time she wants me over at to get his place ready if she wont return my calls. It's been a few days now, and nothing. I even left her a message on facebook to say call me when you have a second, still nothing.  Hmm...maybe this will work out to my advantage. If she doesn't call me back I don't have to take her with me!!!

Would You?

Take a job that involves shift work within the hours of 4am to 2am for only a 50 cent raise?
I am due to call back the airline for my preliminary interview this morning but for some reason I can't convince myself I want to do this. It's a great opportunity, it's a more "grown up" job like I wanted but the possible hours? EWWW.
Yes, there would be travel benefits but 50cents extra an hour and a discount on traveling.... isn't really going to get me anywhere... I couldn't justify paying for a vacation with all the debt I have.
I know what this is, in reality I'm scared. I am comfortable at Ikea and the possibility of getting prompted there should be more than enough to keep me satisfied there.
I am still going to force myself to do the phone interview today, who knows. Right?
What would you do?
I don't want to waste the ladies time

Jobs, Jobs, and more Jobs

So since I don't see being a cashier at Ikea as a real "grown up" job appropriate for a 24 year old I have been passively sending out my resume online. I really didn't think much would come from it, most of the jobs I applied for I really didn't think I was fully qualified for.

Well yesterday at work my manager took me aside and asked me if I planned on staying with Ikea for a while, I politely told her yes and said it worked well with school. She basically told me that she had me in mind for a promotion but the position wasn't available just yet and she would keep me posted. I would still have to go through an interview and compete with whoever else applies but I'm sure I would do just fine.

Then today I got a phone call from an airline to be a customer service representative. She wanted to interview me right on the spot, I wasn't prepared and was rather caught of guard so  I asked if tomorrow would be alright and she readily agreed. I was not expecting to hear from them, especially not this quickly. I applied out of boredom.... Not that I wouldn't want the job.

Well I figure it doesn't hurt to do the preliminary interview and get a few questions answered, like pay and hours. I wonder if this would fit well with school... 

FML she is clueless!!

So I just had a lovely facebook chat with the lovely Cece.....Can you guess who wants to pull their own hair out? That's right! ME!!!!!!

The conversation starts off with her grilling me for every little detail about the homecoming time, date, place etc...
I replied with just the basics. I don't need her inviting everyone(their friends) and her mother from back home to greet him, because I think we all know at this point she would. If you aren't convinced of that fact just yet WAIT.

So after dodging her questions about that, I asked her if we were still on for the night before his arrival. We have plans to clean the whole place before he gets home. My main focus is getting the random stranger germs out of his bed. God knows how many people she let sleep in there, let alone who. That part of our conversation turned into her asking me to sleep over..... Awkward.....
Maybe she thinks I'll leave with out her on the day off? LOL I wouldn't do that....tempting but I couldn't. Anyways I tried to politely decline and she wouldn't have it. She doesn't seem to understand that sleeping in my boyfriends empty bed does not excite me. Apparently I should be too excited to care that his side is still empty among many other things.
Oh well, it was a nice gesture I guess....

Well this is the BEST part of our entire conversation.
"So what are we going to do for dinner that night? Are we going to go out and party?"
She's talking about homecoming night.....
WTF.....Hello??? Do you have a brain?
First of all planning dinner seems pointless. We have no idea how long we could end up waiting for him, we have no idea if he'll have already eaten, he could be exhausted from traveling, and lets not forget the whole jet lag thing, he's internal clock is going to be far ahead of ours. I figured fast food or a restaurant was going to be my solution to dinner.
Second of all WE??? She has no intention of leaving, obviously. This means when CB hints to her to kindly get the F out, she'll have made no plans to go anywhere...
Third WE????? Seriously??? WE???? We are not a manage a trois.

I have to sit back and think... would I be this stupid if I were her? Would I not know any better? All signs point to no. I get that they have been best friends since forever, honestly I do. I want them to have their time together, but she already ruined my last night with him....can't she at least let me have the homecoming I want?

I hate the news! But I love my boyfriend

Why do I hate the news? because it is full of BAD news!
I got into work today only to be informed by a coworker, who is a reenlisting  army guy that covers for me when i ball at work cause a soldier came in, that there was a very bad article published last week. Basically there is a  chance CB will be redeployed.
I hate that I can't say more but that article hit really close to home, I recognized a few too many things said in it. My biggest fear is that 1) he wont even make it home or 2) he'll have to go.

I get it, this is what he does, this is what's to be expected. But WHY couldn't I just continue on blissfully unaware of this article? Why did I have to have a mini panic attack at work? Why do I have to concern myself with this now, when he is so close to being home????

Anyways the rational side of me is saying it's just an article, I've gotten no news that there are any changes in homecoming so the article can kiss my ass. It's just words on a paper, and until it's words from CB's mouth its just an unnecessary stress.

Now for the good news, that did not come from the TV or paper, but CB's mouth.
He has the same concerns I do about Cece! He's all down for her coming to pick him up with me so that when he asks her to leave for the night, it's not rude. Muahahaha
He thought she would be on spring break and heading back home.  Oh no no no, that would be TOO easy. When I explained that he was arriving once her spring break was finished, he cursed.
"Well, have you spoken to her? Does she have plans for that night? Is she staying out?"
I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND
Why? because when I said probably not, he replied he would take care of it and ask her to leave for the night.
Hopefully it doesn't come to that and I am giving her less credit than she deserves. Hopefully she'll understand and take a hike all on her own. But my life doesn't work out that way, nothing is ever simple or easy. With my luck she'll try and crawl into bed with us to spoon because she had a nightmare or just missed him too much.

I told him if she didn't leave for a few hours I was going to make sure she wished she had. I will prance around that house in my sexiest lingerie, scream and moan until even the neighbors have had enough, rinse, lather and repeat. I also warned him not to tell me to be "polite" with the noise level if she does hang around, polite and 6 months of pent up sexual frustration.....just not going to happen, I don't think I need to explain that to any of you ladies.

BTW I am officially addicted to Army Wives and can't wait to watch Homecomings online since I missed it. I heard it was pretty emotional. I can't wait to see it.... I think.

One Thing I Am Not Going To Miss

Out of the very many things I am going to be glad to be done with in regards to deployment, a major one is worrying about timing.

There are certain hours and times I know CB is either likely to call or be on facebook. Around those times I feel paralyzed. I am too scared to move away from the computer or my cellphone for any reason. Showering becomes a sport where speed counts as well as the aftermath of avoiding the puddles you create jumping in and out because you thought you heard your phone. And as far as blow drying my hair? You can just forget it. It takes twice as long (just over an hour) and is just pointless, it still comes out only looking mediocre.

Today is one of the very last few days I will be stuck in this routine of "waiting". YAY

It is sinking in, slowly, that he is almost home. There are times when I am excited as hell and then there are days where I am scared out of my mind. I know it's normal and unwarranted, he's told me so, but it doesn't calm my nerves.

There are so many "what ifs?" in my head I am driving myself crazy.

It takes 3 to tango

What did I do??? Everything was going perfectly and then I got involved.
CB had asked that I be the only one to pick him up, agreed to tell Cece she shouldn't come, and everything was settled... I was worried, obviously but he was taking care of it and I didn't let on just how worried I was about her reaction to him telling her to stay home.

If you all remember, before he could get around to telling her she "cornered" me on facebook for details about his arrival dates. This is where it gets a little tricky. I had already told CB's brother the date, the two of us had conspired together to surprise CB by having his little brother waiting for him at home, or to show up within the next few days. Because I had already told him the date, lets call him Steve, and Steve and Cece do talk from time to time, panic set in. I realized I couldn't lie to her, just in case, and so I told Cece the arrival date.

Well after I had the nightmare and posted about it on here, I spoke to CB maybe an hour later. I ended up telling him my concerns of how she would react and so on. I made sure to express to him that all I wanted for his homecoming was it to be exactly what he wanted. He then asked if I really thought she would be upset if he "uninvited" her and I told him I don't know, he knows her the best. After a bit of back and forth he decided he was really indifferent on the matter and to just let her come, he also rationalized that I'd probably need the help finding the place. So we left it at that.

Fast-forward to a couple of hours later.....

There I am sitting around thinking of just how awkward it's going to be, just the 3 of us.
-She's going to have to watch us make out
-She may run to him first
-The car ride home is awkward no matter who drives, and this is where I get childish....Brace yourselves

If I drive...the issue is my car. It's a small 2 door and my backseats barely fit me. I'm 5'2 and 110, she's 6' and considerably bigger, he's 6' and also a lot bigger. How they're going to arrange the seats for everyone to fit, I have no clue. But this is my optimal plan.

If she drives....I get stuck in the backseat, alone. I warned you I was going to get childish. Which means they will be in the front, speaking french and I wont understand everything. Which results in me feeling left out.

So what did I do? I am probably driving CB crazy is what. I fired him off a little e-mail to again explain I wanted his homecoming to be just the way he wants it but that I also would like to be selfish and have him to myself. I explained that after thinking about it, a 3some would be a little awkward.

My mom is cute, she offered to come with us if Cece is coming, and force her to drive back in her car. I told her if it came down to that, and Cece was that oblivious, I would just ride home with my mom and let her have her way. I'd make her pay for it later once the 3 of us were home.

I swear on my blog, if that woman does not give us any privacy or space I will make it so damn uncomfortable for her that she will be running to the library or back home to her parents for some peace and quiet!!!

Seriously, that is my other big worry. Sex. Do you really think either of us are going to want to sit around and make pleasant talk the second we get home? What is she going to do? Sit downstairs and wait for us to finish? If she does, does that mean I have to be polite and keep the noise level down?
I DON'T THINK SO!
Why can't she just realize how awkward this is all going to be? Why can't she offer to make herself scare? That's half the reason I wanted Steve to come down. If I know Cece isn't planning on going anywhere at least her and Steve can venture out together or keep each other company while I steal CB for some much needed alone time.

It's "Official"

I just got the phone call. I now know the date, time, and place...for now.
It changed from the last time I got an update about homecoming but not too drastically.
Let the celebration commence!

To be honest though, today I am more annoyed than excited. I just want to stop looking at the calender, counting days, crossing off days, all of it. I'm tired of it. Can I please just fast forward through the remaining time and resume normal speed when his feet his Canadian soil? Thank you, that would be greatly appreciated.

Bad Things Happen When...

I am confined to my bed for a long period of time. I went a little overboard shoe shopping.....

Thank you Aldo for supporting my shoe addiction.

I could have easily ordered another 3 pairs...

As far as my lack of blogging...not much has been happening. I'm just sitting around waiting, watching my countdown get smaller and smaller. I am getting extremely impatient, as is CB.