Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Running Shoes & Snow

You would think as a Canadian I would know better than to dare attempt to walk around outside in just basic no grip running shoes. I almost fell under the bus once I got off it, and then 3 more times walking from the stop to work (it's only a 2 minutes walk). At least I made myself laugh, I'm sure a few strangers too.

I'm really late on Christmas this year. I've only bought one present....I'm so going to be that person who shops on the 23rd & 24th this year. I have NEVER waited this long. I'm going to blame it on the fact that my car is still out of commission.

For some reason I kept feeling/noticing CB's dogtags today, I took it as a sign that he was thinking of me. He kept popping into my mind throughout the day...It's probably partly due to the fact that I am bombarded with couples and families at work. Well that and the fact that I was at his place the other day with Cece and I went to go hangout in his room for a few minutes. I really need to stop doing that, it only reminds me that he's gone, and that it's not his room anymore, she's let everyone and anyone sleep in his bed (this angers me more than I could ever express, especially after hes told me how much it angers him).

Anyways back to my point as I was thinking of CB today I looked over my shoulder and saw this man in his combats. I wanted to run over and hug him...and then I almost started crying. You see I have this bad habit of watching youtube videos of homecomings, surprise reunions, and anything else I can find that is related. Of course I indulged in this habit last night, so seeing this young man brought up all the same emotions that were fresh in my mind. It also brought up this desire/constant hoping I have that CB will be waiting for me outside my classroom door to surprise me, or that I'll turn around at work and he will be standing there with a huge smile on his face laughing at how long it took me to notice he was right behind me, or that I'll wake up, roll over and he'll be in bed beside me. I know this isn't going to happen. So why can't I stop torturing myself with these thoughts.

*What I miss about him most - how I feel like I'm home whenever I'm with him, no matter where we are.

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