Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Monday, December 27, 2010
Slacking
I know I haven't posted in a while, I haven't really felt like it much.
There isn't much to report on my end.
Christmas was great, getting ready for new years. I've heard from CB a few times, he is doing really well and managing to keep his spirits up and a bunch of them managed to get hammered for Christmas by the sounds of it, I can't say I'm surprised.
There isn't much to report on my end.
Christmas was great, getting ready for new years. I've heard from CB a few times, he is doing really well and managing to keep his spirits up and a bunch of them managed to get hammered for Christmas by the sounds of it, I can't say I'm surprised.
Take that you annoying donut! You're half gone and getting smaller by the day
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
I Feel Like a Lobster
This is going to be short and to the point
Actually I lied I got 2 Christmas gifts today! The jacket and a gift card from my "little sister" and her mom.
Despite already getting 3 gifts I am not in the Christmas spirit this year and I feel bad because I've ruined it for my mom to the point where she didn't want to get a real tree so she wouldn't rub Christmas in my face... I feel guilty. Maybe I'll surprise her with a tree tomorrow... if I can pick it up.
- Still in a blah mood
- Hurt myself at work, not seriously but still enough that I'll need to visit the doctor tomorrow. I hurt my wrist, it's in a tension band and I feel like I have a claw for a hand.
- My car is ready YAY! It was nothing major!
- Braved 4 malls yesterday and I'm still not done my Christmas shopping... I'm scared to see what the stores are like tomorrow.
- Got one of my final exam marks back.... not happy with it but I did pass! B+ isn't anything to complain about considering all I've been dealing with this semester, just sucks cause I was in line to get at least an A...meh
Despite already getting 3 gifts I am not in the Christmas spirit this year and I feel bad because I've ruined it for my mom to the point where she didn't want to get a real tree so she wouldn't rub Christmas in my face... I feel guilty. Maybe I'll surprise her with a tree tomorrow... if I can pick it up.
Monday, December 20, 2010
Sometimes It's Just Better To Hang Up
CB called today and I was very glad to hear from him but for some reason our phone call just sucked. It was strained and forced and neither of us had much to say.
We quickly talked about my bad week, he cheered me up with promises that it would only get easier from here out and he would be back with me before I knew it but that this is also something I need to get use to (cue me over analyzing and exaggerating the possible meanings of this). I of course told him this is something I could get learn to accept but that this week I just really hated his job and I was entitled to feel this way. He got a good laugh out of that and we changed subjects.
The new subject was no better. I think I made a BIG mistake. I said too much.
I assumed that CB knew Cece was having a party at his place and that she had asked me to go to Costco with her, I was wrong! Very, very, very wrong.
I casually mentioned how big his living room looked with all the furniture moved, to which he was startled about. He started questioning me as to why Cece had moved things around and I told him it was for the party she had, this is where it started to go downhill.
What party, he asks.
Her end of the semester school party, the one she asked me to take her to Costco for? Remember?
She never told me or asked me if she could have a party, why did she move all my stuff around?
I don't know, to make room for her quests.... You mean she didn't ask you about the party or tell you we were going to Costco?
No....
This is where it gets even worse
Well, she spent 200$ at Costco on food for the party. Way to go Elle, you kept your mouth shut for what? a week?
I wont bore you with the blow by blow details, but basically he was pissed and said he wouldn't help her with the bills anymore if she could afford to do this. I tried to rationalize with him that she did mention some friends had given her money to buy the food, this didn't seem to phase him.
And finally the epic failure
I stupidly open my mouth again and I end up with word vomit. Before I knew what I was saying, I'm telling him how she asked me if I would mind her living with us if CB asked me to move in. I told him what I told her, that we hadn't spoken about it yet so her and I couldn't talk about it.
So I guess the point of my story is I made him upset with her somewhat by accident, he now sees her how I do (which is not wrong), I caused shit where I probably shouldn't have. Oy! Please let this blow over.
I am now off to pass out, I spent all day getting my car to the garage and fighting the crowds at 4 malls. I am exhausted!
We quickly talked about my bad week, he cheered me up with promises that it would only get easier from here out and he would be back with me before I knew it but that this is also something I need to get use to (cue me over analyzing and exaggerating the possible meanings of this). I of course told him this is something I could get learn to accept but that this week I just really hated his job and I was entitled to feel this way. He got a good laugh out of that and we changed subjects.
The new subject was no better. I think I made a BIG mistake. I said too much.
I assumed that CB knew Cece was having a party at his place and that she had asked me to go to Costco with her, I was wrong! Very, very, very wrong.
I casually mentioned how big his living room looked with all the furniture moved, to which he was startled about. He started questioning me as to why Cece had moved things around and I told him it was for the party she had, this is where it started to go downhill.
What party, he asks.
Her end of the semester school party, the one she asked me to take her to Costco for? Remember?
She never told me or asked me if she could have a party, why did she move all my stuff around?
I don't know, to make room for her quests.... You mean she didn't ask you about the party or tell you we were going to Costco?
No....
This is where it gets even worse
Well, she spent 200$ at Costco on food for the party. Way to go Elle, you kept your mouth shut for what? a week?
I wont bore you with the blow by blow details, but basically he was pissed and said he wouldn't help her with the bills anymore if she could afford to do this. I tried to rationalize with him that she did mention some friends had given her money to buy the food, this didn't seem to phase him.
And finally the epic failure
I stupidly open my mouth again and I end up with word vomit. Before I knew what I was saying, I'm telling him how she asked me if I would mind her living with us if CB asked me to move in. I told him what I told her, that we hadn't spoken about it yet so her and I couldn't talk about it.
So I guess the point of my story is I made him upset with her somewhat by accident, he now sees her how I do (which is not wrong), I caused shit where I probably shouldn't have. Oy! Please let this blow over.
I am now off to pass out, I spent all day getting my car to the garage and fighting the crowds at 4 malls. I am exhausted!
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Fish Update
He has white spots...I'm really scared
I cleaned his tank today. I put him in a mixing bowl while I was attempting to disinfect his tank (that thing was NASTY) and the little guy tried to jump out!!! He attempted fish suicide... not cool. Anyways he is safely back in his home and I am constantly watching him for signs of shock. I'm worried he doesn't know what it's like to be in clean water and it will cause him to go into shock. I made sure to keep some of his old water in with the new water but my track record with beta's is rather morbid.
All I would need is to kill Cece's fish for shit to get really messed up in our best friend-boyfriend-girlfriend 3some.
My First Present
Since when does mail come on Sundays? Oh well! I got my first gift from my dad today! He bought me a GPS!!! Yes I opened it already... I knew what it was so I didn't see the point in waiting AND I need a distraction today so I figured this would be the perfect thing to play around with today.
Just one tiny little problem.... I can't get it to work.....
I have been stumped by a GPS....
Time to take a break and go buy my Christmas tree!
Just one tiny little problem.... I can't get it to work.....
I have been stumped by a GPS....
Time to take a break and go buy my Christmas tree!
Friday, December 17, 2010
Private Name, Private Number
He just called and me being in the stupid mood I am in, I can't even enjoy it (after the fact, I love every second on the phone) because of the way we got off the phone.
Seriously, someone smack me. HARD!
I'm upset because of the sudden urgency in his voice and immediate need to rush off the phone, it has me worried. If it weren't for a few things said during the call I wouldn't have thought twice about this. But no, Negative Nancy over here has to think worst case scenario.
I am however grateful that he got the chance to call, is doing well, and is planning for his return. Just the fact that I know he is thinking of things he'd like to do when he gets home tells me that he too is counting down and that he sees a light at the end of the tunnel.
I Thought I'd be Happy
I'm 6 days away from my self determined half way point of CB's deployment....
I thought by this point I would be excited to reach a major milestone in CB's deployment, but I'm not....
I feel like I'm back at the begging, like we just started and he just left.
I feel myself slipping back into myself, wanting to withdraw from everything and hide out in my room. My desire to be around others is dwindling, I dread having to go to work, and I just want to sleep all day. This is exactly what I went through the first few weeks he was gone. I thought these feelings were behind me... I thought wrong.
I guess this is what you get for having expectations. Nothing every goes as planned, I should know this by now. I'm trying not to beat myself up too much about not being happy because obviously it will only make it worse. I figure my Debby-downer mood is due to the fact that it's the holidays, all the more reason to miss him, and I've spent so much time at his place in the last little bit which only rams home the point that he isn't here.
I don't want to do this anymore, I want it to be done. I want to cry, scream, and seriously just break down and quit. I want my soldier home! I'm sick of the background on my cell phone mocking me with his picture. I'm sick of seeing missed calls from unknown numbers and instantly wanting to cry. I'm tired of sleeping alone. I hate the feeling that comes along with knowing you are missing your other half. I can't stand crying myself to sleep and waking up in the morning only to have my mascara smeared pillows remind me of how upset I was last night. (yes, I'm too lazy to take my makeup off at night...)
But quitting is not an option. I love him too much that walking away would be way more painful. I promised him I would be here waiting and I will be, there is no other option. If he is strong enough to be there then I have to be strong enough to be here, without him.
On my new x-mas list - a fast forward button
I thought by this point I would be excited to reach a major milestone in CB's deployment, but I'm not....
I feel like I'm back at the begging, like we just started and he just left.
I feel myself slipping back into myself, wanting to withdraw from everything and hide out in my room. My desire to be around others is dwindling, I dread having to go to work, and I just want to sleep all day. This is exactly what I went through the first few weeks he was gone. I thought these feelings were behind me... I thought wrong.
I guess this is what you get for having expectations. Nothing every goes as planned, I should know this by now. I'm trying not to beat myself up too much about not being happy because obviously it will only make it worse. I figure my Debby-downer mood is due to the fact that it's the holidays, all the more reason to miss him, and I've spent so much time at his place in the last little bit which only rams home the point that he isn't here.
I don't want to do this anymore, I want it to be done. I want to cry, scream, and seriously just break down and quit. I want my soldier home! I'm sick of the background on my cell phone mocking me with his picture. I'm sick of seeing missed calls from unknown numbers and instantly wanting to cry. I'm tired of sleeping alone. I hate the feeling that comes along with knowing you are missing your other half. I can't stand crying myself to sleep and waking up in the morning only to have my mascara smeared pillows remind me of how upset I was last night. (yes, I'm too lazy to take my makeup off at night...)
But quitting is not an option. I love him too much that walking away would be way more painful. I promised him I would be here waiting and I will be, there is no other option. If he is strong enough to be there then I have to be strong enough to be here, without him.
On my new x-mas list - a fast forward button
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Dirty little secret
I am addicted to reality tv....
My new obsession is Storage Wars on A&E and Pawn Stars on the History channel....
I keep thinking I'd pick the best "locker" on storage wars...
-note to self - do not show CB this show, he'll want to try it or worse open a pawn shop.
My all time guilty pleasure thought is Hoarders.... I don't know why but I could watch episode after episode of that show.
My new obsession is Storage Wars on A&E and Pawn Stars on the History channel....
I keep thinking I'd pick the best "locker" on storage wars...
-note to self - do not show CB this show, he'll want to try it or worse open a pawn shop.
My all time guilty pleasure thought is Hoarders.... I don't know why but I could watch episode after episode of that show.
Running Shoes & Snow
You would think as a Canadian I would know better than to dare attempt to walk around outside in just basic no grip running shoes. I almost fell under the bus once I got off it, and then 3 more times walking from the stop to work (it's only a 2 minutes walk). At least I made myself laugh, I'm sure a few strangers too.
I'm really late on Christmas this year. I've only bought one present....I'm so going to be that person who shops on the 23rd & 24th this year. I have NEVER waited this long. I'm going to blame it on the fact that my car is still out of commission.
For some reason I kept feeling/noticing CB's dogtags today, I took it as a sign that he was thinking of me. He kept popping into my mind throughout the day...It's probably partly due to the fact that I am bombarded with couples and families at work. Well that and the fact that I was at his place the other day with Cece and I went to go hangout in his room for a few minutes. I really need to stop doing that, it only reminds me that he's gone, and that it's not his room anymore, she's let everyone and anyone sleep in his bed (this angers me more than I could ever express, especially after hes told me how much it angers him).
Anyways back to my point as I was thinking of CB today I looked over my shoulder and saw this man in his combats. I wanted to run over and hug him...and then I almost started crying. You see I have this bad habit of watching youtube videos of homecomings, surprise reunions, and anything else I can find that is related. Of course I indulged in this habit last night, so seeing this young man brought up all the same emotions that were fresh in my mind. It also brought up this desire/constant hoping I have that CB will be waiting for me outside my classroom door to surprise me, or that I'll turn around at work and he will be standing there with a huge smile on his face laughing at how long it took me to notice he was right behind me, or that I'll wake up, roll over and he'll be in bed beside me. I know this isn't going to happen. So why can't I stop torturing myself with these thoughts.
*What I miss about him most - how I feel like I'm home whenever I'm with him, no matter where we are.
I'm really late on Christmas this year. I've only bought one present....I'm so going to be that person who shops on the 23rd & 24th this year. I have NEVER waited this long. I'm going to blame it on the fact that my car is still out of commission.
For some reason I kept feeling/noticing CB's dogtags today, I took it as a sign that he was thinking of me. He kept popping into my mind throughout the day...It's probably partly due to the fact that I am bombarded with couples and families at work. Well that and the fact that I was at his place the other day with Cece and I went to go hangout in his room for a few minutes. I really need to stop doing that, it only reminds me that he's gone, and that it's not his room anymore, she's let everyone and anyone sleep in his bed (this angers me more than I could ever express, especially after hes told me how much it angers him).
Anyways back to my point as I was thinking of CB today I looked over my shoulder and saw this man in his combats. I wanted to run over and hug him...and then I almost started crying. You see I have this bad habit of watching youtube videos of homecomings, surprise reunions, and anything else I can find that is related. Of course I indulged in this habit last night, so seeing this young man brought up all the same emotions that were fresh in my mind. It also brought up this desire/constant hoping I have that CB will be waiting for me outside my classroom door to surprise me, or that I'll turn around at work and he will be standing there with a huge smile on his face laughing at how long it took me to notice he was right behind me, or that I'll wake up, roll over and he'll be in bed beside me. I know this isn't going to happen. So why can't I stop torturing myself with these thoughts.
*What I miss about him most - how I feel like I'm home whenever I'm with him, no matter where we are.
Monday, December 13, 2010
The Costco Update
I went shopping with Cece... She spent $200 on food...for a PARTY.
She is hosting an end of the year bash at CB's condo for all of her school mates.
........ Not even going to go there..... I can't touch it.....
She told me, without me prying or even asking, that she couldn't afford her bills anymore and had asked CB for help. She also mentioned that her parents can no longer afford her bills anymore either and are cutting back how much they'll help her next year.
What I don't understand is...if your parents are paying all your bills, what bills are you asking CB to pay? Shouldn't they all be taken care of? Or are you over billing your parents and CB so that you can afford to spend as you wish? I think so! I do not approve lady! You're lucky you're 6 foot something and I'm only 5 foot, even then I still want to climb you and smack you! Not cool.
Ugh....
She even started asking me if I would mind if she lived with CB and I if I moved in with him upon his return. I side stepped this by saying I didn't want to rush CB into anything and that isn't something we have flat out discussed yet so I rather not think about it at the moment.
She rearranged the living room....
She's letting people sleep in his room when they stay over...
She wants to have the condo painted and have him pay for it...
And she still wants a dog...
I want a glass of wine! I want my boyfriend back! And I want her to come to her senses!
That is my new Christmas list.
She is hosting an end of the year bash at CB's condo for all of her school mates.
........ Not even going to go there..... I can't touch it.....
She told me, without me prying or even asking, that she couldn't afford her bills anymore and had asked CB for help. She also mentioned that her parents can no longer afford her bills anymore either and are cutting back how much they'll help her next year.
What I don't understand is...if your parents are paying all your bills, what bills are you asking CB to pay? Shouldn't they all be taken care of? Or are you over billing your parents and CB so that you can afford to spend as you wish? I think so! I do not approve lady! You're lucky you're 6 foot something and I'm only 5 foot, even then I still want to climb you and smack you! Not cool.
 |
| I wish I could! |
Ugh....
She even started asking me if I would mind if she lived with CB and I if I moved in with him upon his return. I side stepped this by saying I didn't want to rush CB into anything and that isn't something we have flat out discussed yet so I rather not think about it at the moment.
She rearranged the living room....
She's letting people sleep in his room when they stay over...
She wants to have the condo painted and have him pay for it...
And she still wants a dog...
I want a glass of wine! I want my boyfriend back! And I want her to come to her senses!
That is my new Christmas list.
Time is going backwards
I ended up putting my donut of misery on "desktop" so I could access it more easily. Big mistake.
Time is going so much slower now that I look at it every other day. I'm stuck at 44%.
Time is going so much slower now that I look at it every other day. I'm stuck at 44%.
Can't we just fast-forward to 50% because then I can encourage myself with sayings like
It's all down hill from here!
You've walked as far as you can into the forest as possible, now all that's left to do is walk out
And which ever other stupid sayings make me feel better.
Because lets be honest, hearing "it'll be over before you know it" sucks!
....I really need to keep myself occupied...
Christmas in a Box
Another day with no studying and no work! You think I'd be all relaxed and loving it but I'm not. I'm bored. SO BORED!
So today I am distracting myself with CB's care package until the dreaded Costco shopping event later this afternoon....
So far I have:
This is my lovely x-mas present from him. I had fallen in love with a much more expensive Bench jacket but I just couldn't bring myself to ask him for that one. I know he would've spent the money in a heart beat but I just couldn't. I feel a hell of a lot better not asking for it now, especially after learning about Cece's antics.
So today I am distracting myself with CB's care package until the dreaded Costco shopping event later this afternoon....
So far I have:
- Peach candy canes
- Peanut-butter m&m's
- Underwear
- X-mas stocking
- Toothbrush
- Shampoo
- Body wash
- 2 of his favorite smoothie juice mixes - thanks to his lovely cousin's wife who owns the smoothie shop
- A bunch of letters
- Pictures of all the event's he has missed
- and his option A or option B Christmas present
Option A is the playstation move or option B is a brand new power tool
I'm curious to see what he'll pick. I plan on writing the two options out on cue cards and putting them in separate envelopes, kinda like an IOU style. I figured this was the best way to get him something he really wants and let him know now what it is. It's not like I can really send that much over there, he has to bring it all back and he barely had enough room sending everything there. He brought so, so, so many bags. He packs like a woman.Sunday, December 12, 2010
Need To Vent
I need to get this off my chest because if I don't say it here I'll end up snapping to the wrong person and making things worse.
Heres the situation.... CB messaged me on facebook today and I was all excited and asked him if he could call which he said he would after he was done talking to Cece. So me being the nice person I am told him to take his time talking to her and to call me after if it wasn't too late. He called, that's not the issue, our conversation was great, I should make a whole separate post for what we talked about as it's kind of a big deal for both of us. Anyways back to my point, CB mentioned that Cece couldn't afford the bills and she needed help.
For those of you who don't know, she moved into his condo so she could go to school here. She was originally just suppose to stay for 6 months and that quickly got thrown aside and it seems like shes never going to leave. She has made herself extremely comfortable in his home. She was suppose to find a job and move out. That never happened, she hasn't even lifted a finger to look for one. They made arrangements that since she didn't have a job by the time he left instead of paying rent she would pay for hyrdo and rogers, that's it. There wouldn't have even been a rogers bill but she insisted on having top of line cable from them...
Back to my point, I told him I wasn't giving him my opinion of the whole thing and asked what they had come up with as a plan to deal with this situation. She is going to e-mail him the bills she needs help with this month and he will pay them online. It's an easy solution. But what about next month? And the month after that? He's still gone for 4 months, is she just going to pass the bills on for the rest of the time hes gone? Is she just going to keep sponging off of him?
The part that really pissed me off is as soon as I got off the phone with him she messages me....
"Are you working tomorrow?"
No.. I'm off. Do you want to get together?
"Yes. Do you still have your Costco membership? I want to go shopping!"
.............
WTF????? Seriously? Really? You want to do what?
Oy. I hate this. I can't tell CB anything because I'm not getting in the middle, I am not putting myself in that position. I don't want this to turn into a she-said-he-said-she-said 3some fiasco. I am staying out of it. I am telling her I know nothing about her financial issues and I am telling CB nothing about her spending habits.
This is his very best friend from childhood, I don't want to interfere with that.
He is away and dealing with a lot already, I don't want to add any stress.
I am going to sit here and scream inside and rant on here and pray that she does not putting anything in her basket tomorrow that is not a freaking necessity! Lord help me if she buys crap...I'll lose it!
Please tell me I'm not crazy. Someone else has to see how messed up this is.... I can't be the only one.
Heres the situation.... CB messaged me on facebook today and I was all excited and asked him if he could call which he said he would after he was done talking to Cece. So me being the nice person I am told him to take his time talking to her and to call me after if it wasn't too late. He called, that's not the issue, our conversation was great, I should make a whole separate post for what we talked about as it's kind of a big deal for both of us. Anyways back to my point, CB mentioned that Cece couldn't afford the bills and she needed help.
For those of you who don't know, she moved into his condo so she could go to school here. She was originally just suppose to stay for 6 months and that quickly got thrown aside and it seems like shes never going to leave. She has made herself extremely comfortable in his home. She was suppose to find a job and move out. That never happened, she hasn't even lifted a finger to look for one. They made arrangements that since she didn't have a job by the time he left instead of paying rent she would pay for hyrdo and rogers, that's it. There wouldn't have even been a rogers bill but she insisted on having top of line cable from them...
Back to my point, I told him I wasn't giving him my opinion of the whole thing and asked what they had come up with as a plan to deal with this situation. She is going to e-mail him the bills she needs help with this month and he will pay them online. It's an easy solution. But what about next month? And the month after that? He's still gone for 4 months, is she just going to pass the bills on for the rest of the time hes gone? Is she just going to keep sponging off of him?
The part that really pissed me off is as soon as I got off the phone with him she messages me....
"Are you working tomorrow?"
No.. I'm off. Do you want to get together?
"Yes. Do you still have your Costco membership? I want to go shopping!"
.............
WTF????? Seriously? Really? You want to do what?
Oy. I hate this. I can't tell CB anything because I'm not getting in the middle, I am not putting myself in that position. I don't want this to turn into a she-said-he-said-she-said 3some fiasco. I am staying out of it. I am telling her I know nothing about her financial issues and I am telling CB nothing about her spending habits.
This is his very best friend from childhood, I don't want to interfere with that.
He is away and dealing with a lot already, I don't want to add any stress.
I am going to sit here and scream inside and rant on here and pray that she does not putting anything in her basket tomorrow that is not a freaking necessity! Lord help me if she buys crap...I'll lose it!
Please tell me I'm not crazy. Someone else has to see how messed up this is.... I can't be the only one.
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Exhausted
Wrote the last final exam this morning.
157 questions.
This professor is insane.
I could possibly understand needing 157 questions if our exam was cumulative or something but NO! It was 157 questions on 5 chapters that were all common sense, not a lot of terminology, or many different concepts so a lot of the questions were almost identical.
So asides from the fact of how intimidating having that many questions to answer is, lets add a "lovely" TA who decides to update us every 10 minutes as to what time it is. WTF? Really?
* Fingers crossed *
Now my least favorite part, the sitting and waiting
157 questions.
This professor is insane.
I could possibly understand needing 157 questions if our exam was cumulative or something but NO! It was 157 questions on 5 chapters that were all common sense, not a lot of terminology, or many different concepts so a lot of the questions were almost identical.
So asides from the fact of how intimidating having that many questions to answer is, lets add a "lovely" TA who decides to update us every 10 minutes as to what time it is. WTF? Really?
* Fingers crossed *
Now my least favorite part, the sitting and waiting
Friday, December 10, 2010
Dog Sitting
I got roped into dog and house sitting today when I really need to be studying my ass off for my exam tomorrow morning.
As I mention in an earlier post, one of my friends dogs has started suffering seizures and they were unable to determine the cause of them here so she had to be taken to a specialist 4 hours away. How does this result in my dog and house sitting? Her mom is waiting for a parcel from UPS and needs someone here to sign for it, enter me. So I grabbed my dog and books and came over here to study. Problem is, I don't want to study! I rather play with the dogs!!! They're too cute.
I turned on my laptop in hopes that I'd get in the mood and instead I've ended up on her blogging about studying...instead of actually studying! Someone needs to duct tape my textbook to my hands.
As I mention in an earlier post, one of my friends dogs has started suffering seizures and they were unable to determine the cause of them here so she had to be taken to a specialist 4 hours away. How does this result in my dog and house sitting? Her mom is waiting for a parcel from UPS and needs someone here to sign for it, enter me. So I grabbed my dog and books and came over here to study. Problem is, I don't want to study! I rather play with the dogs!!! They're too cute.
I turned on my laptop in hopes that I'd get in the mood and instead I've ended up on her blogging about studying...instead of actually studying! Someone needs to duct tape my textbook to my hands.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
If I Never See Your Face Again I Don't Mind!
Final exam # 1 has been completed! Forensic psychology can now kiss my bee-hind!
The only time I ever want to hear from it again is to see my grade, that's it that's all.
Think back to the last test you wrote. Did you try and keep pace with the people sitting around you? Were you concerned at all with how fast or slow you were going in comparison to others?
I caught myself tonight trying to listen to the girls sitting around me for how often they were turning pages, how much they were writing for the short answer questions, and how much erasing they were doing. I felt like I was going to fast through the exam and I barely heard the people around me flipping pages at all. At first this made me really nervous but then I realized I was well prepared and I didn't need to spend a lot of time deliberating between all my multiple choice options. I also realized that trying to keep up with those around you is stupid, and if you're going faster it's not a bad thing either, as long as you are taking the time to understand the questions.
This will be my first exam I have not changed any of my multiple choice answers on. I have mixed feelings about this. But I've decided changing a guess for another guess is just as silly, I'm sticking to my gut instinct.
I'm curious though, what do/did you do with guesses for multiple choices? To change or not to change? When in doubt go with C?
The only time I ever want to hear from it again is to see my grade, that's it that's all.
Think back to the last test you wrote. Did you try and keep pace with the people sitting around you? Were you concerned at all with how fast or slow you were going in comparison to others?
I caught myself tonight trying to listen to the girls sitting around me for how often they were turning pages, how much they were writing for the short answer questions, and how much erasing they were doing. I felt like I was going to fast through the exam and I barely heard the people around me flipping pages at all. At first this made me really nervous but then I realized I was well prepared and I didn't need to spend a lot of time deliberating between all my multiple choice options. I also realized that trying to keep up with those around you is stupid, and if you're going faster it's not a bad thing either, as long as you are taking the time to understand the questions.
This will be my first exam I have not changed any of my multiple choice answers on. I have mixed feelings about this. But I've decided changing a guess for another guess is just as silly, I'm sticking to my gut instinct.
I'm curious though, what do/did you do with guesses for multiple choices? To change or not to change? When in doubt go with C?
Just Had An "Ah Ha!" Moment
I was just making myself a fresh pot of coffee as I prepare for the final study session for my exam later tonight when I noticed something. Beside the coffee pot is our fridge, on this fridge I have a dry-erase board with my countdown and countup to CB's return. Apparently I had neglected it for a few days because todays count shocked me.
It has officially been 70 days since he left. We have successfully completed 10 weeks, or 2 and a half months, however you want to look at it.
When the hell did this happen? I mean, I know I've been struggling with his deployment and some days have been horrible in comparison to others, some just fly by. But at some point, and I'm not sure when, this all became routine. Writing him letters or sending him e-mails have somewhat comfortably taken the place of text messages. Our facebook chats have filled in for our joking around we use to do in the morning. The actual phone calls themselves have taken place of our whole weekends together. I don't think I'll ever get use to having to wait for him to call though.
1 letter is like the equivalent of a week of text messages
1 facebook chat has now turned into what our usual Saturday morning goofing around was
1 phone call of 30 minutes, I swear he sits there with a timer, has turned into the equivalent of our weekend.
I look forward to all of these things more so than I think I use to look forward to our weekends together. I know I didn't take our time for granted before, but now that there is so little of it I'll take it where I can get it and every second of it only fills me with joy, happiness, and love to continue.
Mini side story
Last time CB and I spoke, he told me of this horror story of a situation one of the guys over there is dealing with. It pretty much broke my heart and enraged me all at the same time.
There is a soldier who is deployed with him who's girlfriend has anxiety issues. Before he left she had everything in check and was not really effected by it. Obviously the stress of him leaving ramped up her symptoms and she began having panic attacks, so many that she lost her job. The stress of losing her job, obviously, only increased her symptoms and she is now unable to pay her rent. Obviously she told her soldier this and he felt it was important enough to try and go home to deal with it.
Well here is where this story gets stupid. They don't believe their story, they think she is lying about her symptoms and therefor wont send him home to quickly take care of things. Because her first language is not English and they only have English speaking psychologists on staff there is no one to evaluate her claims... So there she sits, being called a liar, stressed the hell out, and not being treated.
What I don't understand is why can't they refer her to a psychologist who speaks her language and have the diagnosis shared afterwards? How can they risk not assessing her? Some disorders can be impairing, especially if left untreated
I guess the reason this really hits me is because I suffer from anxiety attacks as well, but only minor ones, and I am studying in this field as we speak. I have learnt about the effects and consequences of panic attacks from the textbooks I study as well as from what I have experiences myself. It's scary. My heart goes out to this woman.
It has officially been 70 days since he left. We have successfully completed 10 weeks, or 2 and a half months, however you want to look at it.
When the hell did this happen? I mean, I know I've been struggling with his deployment and some days have been horrible in comparison to others, some just fly by. But at some point, and I'm not sure when, this all became routine. Writing him letters or sending him e-mails have somewhat comfortably taken the place of text messages. Our facebook chats have filled in for our joking around we use to do in the morning. The actual phone calls themselves have taken place of our whole weekends together. I don't think I'll ever get use to having to wait for him to call though.
1 letter is like the equivalent of a week of text messages
1 facebook chat has now turned into what our usual Saturday morning goofing around was
1 phone call of 30 minutes, I swear he sits there with a timer, has turned into the equivalent of our weekend.
I look forward to all of these things more so than I think I use to look forward to our weekends together. I know I didn't take our time for granted before, but now that there is so little of it I'll take it where I can get it and every second of it only fills me with joy, happiness, and love to continue.
Mini side story
Last time CB and I spoke, he told me of this horror story of a situation one of the guys over there is dealing with. It pretty much broke my heart and enraged me all at the same time.
There is a soldier who is deployed with him who's girlfriend has anxiety issues. Before he left she had everything in check and was not really effected by it. Obviously the stress of him leaving ramped up her symptoms and she began having panic attacks, so many that she lost her job. The stress of losing her job, obviously, only increased her symptoms and she is now unable to pay her rent. Obviously she told her soldier this and he felt it was important enough to try and go home to deal with it.
Well here is where this story gets stupid. They don't believe their story, they think she is lying about her symptoms and therefor wont send him home to quickly take care of things. Because her first language is not English and they only have English speaking psychologists on staff there is no one to evaluate her claims... So there she sits, being called a liar, stressed the hell out, and not being treated.
What I don't understand is why can't they refer her to a psychologist who speaks her language and have the diagnosis shared afterwards? How can they risk not assessing her? Some disorders can be impairing, especially if left untreated
I guess the reason this really hits me is because I suffer from anxiety attacks as well, but only minor ones, and I am studying in this field as we speak. I have learnt about the effects and consequences of panic attacks from the textbooks I study as well as from what I have experiences myself. It's scary. My heart goes out to this woman.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Cramming
I just spent the whole most of the day cramming for my exam tomorrow. I am exhausted.
I woke up to my phone ringing and excitedly thought it was CB, it wasn't. After I successfully located my phone in the mess of my duvet I was some what disappointed to see my "little sisters" name there. I had a rough nights sleep and was not excited because I thought she was calling to tell me she was coming over to quiz me. Well that wasn't why she was calling, her poor dog had been suffering from seizures and today was finally the day she could get her to the doctors. She needed me to come wait at her place for a package while she brought the dog.
Long story short, the dog had to stay for supervision throughout the day after having 2 more seizures during her visit. We spent the day trying not to worry too much and distracting ourselves with preparing me for my final tomorrow. We got to pick up the dog at dinner time, she was really out of it and high as a dog could be. We had to go to pet smart to get her cage because she couldn't even walk straight and stumbled into everything! We were scared she would injure herself.
We wrapped the night up with over ordering on sushi and a final round of quizzing. Not a good combination, we both weren't paying attention to how much we ate and stuffed ourselves. You could have rolled me home.
Wish me luck! I hope I'm ready for this final.
I woke up to my phone ringing and excitedly thought it was CB, it wasn't. After I successfully located my phone in the mess of my duvet I was some what disappointed to see my "little sisters" name there. I had a rough nights sleep and was not excited because I thought she was calling to tell me she was coming over to quiz me. Well that wasn't why she was calling, her poor dog had been suffering from seizures and today was finally the day she could get her to the doctors. She needed me to come wait at her place for a package while she brought the dog.
Long story short, the dog had to stay for supervision throughout the day after having 2 more seizures during her visit. We spent the day trying not to worry too much and distracting ourselves with preparing me for my final tomorrow. We got to pick up the dog at dinner time, she was really out of it and high as a dog could be. We had to go to pet smart to get her cage because she couldn't even walk straight and stumbled into everything! We were scared she would injure herself.
We wrapped the night up with over ordering on sushi and a final round of quizzing. Not a good combination, we both weren't paying attention to how much we ate and stuffed ourselves. You could have rolled me home.
Wish me luck! I hope I'm ready for this final.
Monday, December 6, 2010
Happy Anniversary!!
I've been so preoccupied with studying for finals that I haven't felt much like writing or had much to really post about. Life is boring at the moment, stressful yet boring.
I decided to post a letter to CB instead of trying to come up with something to blog about.
Dear CB,
*Warning - This is going to be a girly letter so suck it up and deal with it! hehe
I'm laying here in bed thinking of you, as usual, only tomorrow is our 6 month anniversary. It seems crazy that it's already been that long. Especially because I can remember the night we became a couple like it was just the other day.
I remember what I was wear, exactly! That you were already inside Tim Horton's when I showed up, late as usual. I remember you didn't turn around when I walked in so I kicked your bum. We grabbed our ice caps and you insisted that we go for a walk which made me cringe inside because I already had sore feet from work and I was still wearing my heels. I remember wanting to be so mad at you, not even wanting to show up, and wanting to hit and kiss you all at the same time. Luckily I decided to kiss you! You are such a good kisser.
Ever since that night you continue to amaze me. I am impressed with how well you take care of your little brother, the steps you have taken to get closer to your dad before you left, and how caring, understanding and loving you have been with me. Oh and how could I forget how cute you are with your grandma, you light up her world.
I really do appreciate everything you do for me, especially the understanding and patient part. I'm sure I haven't been the easiest to go through deployment with at times. I realize I need you a lot and message you a lot at times. I'm sorry if it gets annoying but I just can't restrain myself. You see, not only am I missing my boyfriend, I'm missing you as my best friend too. It's hard having you "both" gone at the same time.
Anyways I wont drag out my girliness. Just know I love you for a multitude of reasons, I'm happy you picked me, and I wouldn't want to be in this situation with anyone other than you.
Happy 6 month anniversary hotstuff! You're stuck with me for many, many, many more of these! I hope you don't mind.
I love you,
Elle
xoxo
I decided to post a letter to CB instead of trying to come up with something to blog about.
Dear CB,
*Warning - This is going to be a girly letter so suck it up and deal with it! hehe
I'm laying here in bed thinking of you, as usual, only tomorrow is our 6 month anniversary. It seems crazy that it's already been that long. Especially because I can remember the night we became a couple like it was just the other day.
I remember what I was wear, exactly! That you were already inside Tim Horton's when I showed up, late as usual. I remember you didn't turn around when I walked in so I kicked your bum. We grabbed our ice caps and you insisted that we go for a walk which made me cringe inside because I already had sore feet from work and I was still wearing my heels. I remember wanting to be so mad at you, not even wanting to show up, and wanting to hit and kiss you all at the same time. Luckily I decided to kiss you! You are such a good kisser.
Ever since that night you continue to amaze me. I am impressed with how well you take care of your little brother, the steps you have taken to get closer to your dad before you left, and how caring, understanding and loving you have been with me. Oh and how could I forget how cute you are with your grandma, you light up her world.
I really do appreciate everything you do for me, especially the understanding and patient part. I'm sure I haven't been the easiest to go through deployment with at times. I realize I need you a lot and message you a lot at times. I'm sorry if it gets annoying but I just can't restrain myself. You see, not only am I missing my boyfriend, I'm missing you as my best friend too. It's hard having you "both" gone at the same time.
Anyways I wont drag out my girliness. Just know I love you for a multitude of reasons, I'm happy you picked me, and I wouldn't want to be in this situation with anyone other than you.
Happy 6 month anniversary hotstuff! You're stuck with me for many, many, many more of these! I hope you don't mind.
I love you,
Elle
xoxo
Friday, December 3, 2010
Men's Underwear, Unsupervised
Elle's guide to looking like an idiot:
The wall was one being confusing mess. There were regular briefs, boxer briefs, extra long boxer briefs, and all other ones I can't be bothered to remember the names of. They all looked fairly similar, each type only had one difference from the one I had just finished looking at. By the time I got to the end of the brief section on the wall, I was convinced they were not the same type of underwear but lo and behold there was the damn brief word on the packaging.
After I scared the random man away with my muttering out loud and asking for his opinion, he bolted not even bothering to get whatever underwear he had come for by the way, I literally gave up. I just grabbed the first pack on the top of my pile in my hands and tossed the rest back on the wall that seemed to be mocking me by this point.
Never again. I admit defeat! You win Walmart wall of underwear, you win!
- Agree to buy your boyfriend "briefs", without him
- Go to Walmart
- Find the mens clothing section
- Find the wall of underwear
- Stare blankly for 5 minutes
- Realize briefs come in 67 different varieties and cuts
- Ponder out loud why men need so many varieties of the same thing
- Decided to ask a stranger, who heard you talk to yourself, what the hell you should pick
- Have the stranger turn bright red and walk away leaving you with 4 different packs of "briefs" in your hands
The wall was one being confusing mess. There were regular briefs, boxer briefs, extra long boxer briefs, and all other ones I can't be bothered to remember the names of. They all looked fairly similar, each type only had one difference from the one I had just finished looking at. By the time I got to the end of the brief section on the wall, I was convinced they were not the same type of underwear but lo and behold there was the damn brief word on the packaging.
After I scared the random man away with my muttering out loud and asking for his opinion, he bolted not even bothering to get whatever underwear he had come for by the way, I literally gave up. I just grabbed the first pack on the top of my pile in my hands and tossed the rest back on the wall that seemed to be mocking me by this point.
Never again. I admit defeat! You win Walmart wall of underwear, you win!
You'll get it soon!
I'm retarded when I'm sick, apparently! Work was torturous with my head cold. I couldn't even complete the simplest task without struggling. Not to mention the evil eye I got from people every time I dared to sniffle, let alone pull out a Kleenex! Wow.
The day was slow but passed by quickly. Bonded with the staff which was nice, asides from one exception.
Mr. Exception is an idiot. I have seen him around the store from time to time, he collects the shopping carts. We have had a few 5 second conversations of pleasantries here and there when he initiates them. Well. yesterday, I was up in the staff lounge relaxing on the couch sending a few texts and killing time before I had to go back. Guess who shows up? Mr. Exception. He sits across from me and starts chatting me up. I let him ramble on, I politely smile at a comment he makes to which he responds "Oh wow! I made you smile, you have such a gorgeous smile! I should make you smile more often!". All I can think of at this point is "FML! It's to early to go back to work and to late to go anywhere else. I'm stuck here!" Insert gag reflex here. I guess I had rolled my eyes or he caught my disinterest because he quickly proceeded to tell me how "heartless" he is, everyone tells him he is an ass and heartless. Congratulations? What do you say to that, honestly? My choice was to get up and walk away.
Men are stupid!
This brings me to my next topic. CB!
I got another phone call, yay! I was asking about the boys and how everyones holding up and for the most part they're all good. D is back in contact with his ex fiancée, which makes me want to smack him when he gets home. T is away, which almost gave me a heart attack they way CB worded it. T is CB's roommate, they were roommates on the last tour as well, and so when I joked that he should go spoon T he responds " I can't...he's gone!" His choice of wording through me off for a second, I asked him to use the word "away" next time.
After that we got on the topic of B's upcoming wedding. I have never met the couple and wasn't sure when/how the got engaged, so I asked CB about it. Apparently he had proposed right before he left which I responded to with a sigh of relief. I had thought he had proposed while they were deployed because I only heard about it fairly recently. CB laughed and told me no you don't propose on the phone, which I told him I completely agreed with but not all men get it, some men are stupid!
Bet you though I was going to bitch about CB didn't you?
And this is where my over analysis comes in. His response was:
So now here I sit playing the words over and over again in my head, trying to push them out of my thoughts, trying not to over analyse them, and trying to take them for what they are, just words. But what did he mean'?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?
The day was slow but passed by quickly. Bonded with the staff which was nice, asides from one exception.
Mr. Exception is an idiot. I have seen him around the store from time to time, he collects the shopping carts. We have had a few 5 second conversations of pleasantries here and there when he initiates them. Well. yesterday, I was up in the staff lounge relaxing on the couch sending a few texts and killing time before I had to go back. Guess who shows up? Mr. Exception. He sits across from me and starts chatting me up. I let him ramble on, I politely smile at a comment he makes to which he responds "Oh wow! I made you smile, you have such a gorgeous smile! I should make you smile more often!". All I can think of at this point is "FML! It's to early to go back to work and to late to go anywhere else. I'm stuck here!" Insert gag reflex here. I guess I had rolled my eyes or he caught my disinterest because he quickly proceeded to tell me how "heartless" he is, everyone tells him he is an ass and heartless. Congratulations? What do you say to that, honestly? My choice was to get up and walk away.
Men are stupid!
This brings me to my next topic. CB!
I got another phone call, yay! I was asking about the boys and how everyones holding up and for the most part they're all good. D is back in contact with his ex fiancée, which makes me want to smack him when he gets home. T is away, which almost gave me a heart attack they way CB worded it. T is CB's roommate, they were roommates on the last tour as well, and so when I joked that he should go spoon T he responds " I can't...he's gone!" His choice of wording through me off for a second, I asked him to use the word "away" next time.
After that we got on the topic of B's upcoming wedding. I have never met the couple and wasn't sure when/how the got engaged, so I asked CB about it. Apparently he had proposed right before he left which I responded to with a sigh of relief. I had thought he had proposed while they were deployed because I only heard about it fairly recently. CB laughed and told me no you don't propose on the phone, which I told him I completely agreed with but not all men get it, some men are stupid!
Bet you though I was going to bitch about CB didn't you?
And this is where my over analysis comes in. His response was:
You'll get it soon!
My mind started racing! I'll get what soon?- A ring?
- A proposal?
- A kick in the face?
- what??????
So now here I sit playing the words over and over again in my head, trying to push them out of my thoughts, trying not to over analyse them, and trying to take them for what they are, just words. But what did he mean'?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
2 Days, 2 Phone Calls
Needless to say I am happier than a pig in dog with a bone. I got to talk to my lover twice! I'm sure you all know how great this feels after a long period of silence! I can't contain my joy at the moment!
I got to have coffee with him on the phone yesterday and today we told each other stupid jokes.
He's too cute. I was telling him how excited I am to send off his Christmas box, which I realize will probably not get there on time at this point but I haven't had any cash for a while so it had to be postponed. His response was "Well is there anything left from that 200$ I left you to send me stuff?" I pissed myself laughing, his first box cost me more than 200$. He was shocked but realized how possible it was after he thought of everything he got, nothing was home made. The whole reason he was asking is cause he wanted to know if I had enough money left to buy him a toothbrush, shampoo, and bodywash. I thought it was adorable that he was that thoughtful to worry about me spending 20$ on things he needed/wanted when he knows I've been tight with money.
I told him that even though the money was gone on his first box, I had no problem spending money on the other boxes as it was something I always planned on doing. I also justified it to him that if he was here I would be spending the same amount of money, if not more, on things for us/him anyways. I also reminded him if he was here he I would probably be spending way more on his presents than this next box.
I had an extremely blonde moment with him on the phone that for some reason I feel the need to document. There we are talking away when all of a sudden I start hearing these odd sounds in the background. So I asked him what the noise was, was he walking around in the wind? No, he told me, it was a helicopter. My response was priceless..."Why are you close to a helicopter?" We both started laughing at the same time. I guess I had gotten so caught up in our conversation I had temporarily forgotten where he was in that instant.
Off to make chicken noodle soup, I got sick being out in the rain yesterday trying to fiddle around with the damn car, which by the way for those of you who are interested is still sitting dead in the driveway.
I got to have coffee with him on the phone yesterday and today we told each other stupid jokes.
He's too cute. I was telling him how excited I am to send off his Christmas box, which I realize will probably not get there on time at this point but I haven't had any cash for a while so it had to be postponed. His response was "Well is there anything left from that 200$ I left you to send me stuff?" I pissed myself laughing, his first box cost me more than 200$. He was shocked but realized how possible it was after he thought of everything he got, nothing was home made. The whole reason he was asking is cause he wanted to know if I had enough money left to buy him a toothbrush, shampoo, and bodywash. I thought it was adorable that he was that thoughtful to worry about me spending 20$ on things he needed/wanted when he knows I've been tight with money.
I told him that even though the money was gone on his first box, I had no problem spending money on the other boxes as it was something I always planned on doing. I also justified it to him that if he was here I would be spending the same amount of money, if not more, on things for us/him anyways. I also reminded him if he was here he I would probably be spending way more on his presents than this next box.
I had an extremely blonde moment with him on the phone that for some reason I feel the need to document. There we are talking away when all of a sudden I start hearing these odd sounds in the background. So I asked him what the noise was, was he walking around in the wind? No, he told me, it was a helicopter. My response was priceless..."Why are you close to a helicopter?" We both started laughing at the same time. I guess I had gotten so caught up in our conversation I had temporarily forgotten where he was in that instant.
Off to make chicken noodle soup, I got sick being out in the rain yesterday trying to fiddle around with the damn car, which by the way for those of you who are interested is still sitting dead in the driveway.
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