My Boyfriend Lives in My Phone

Don't I feel special! The lovely Kimberly was kind enough to give me my first award the other day! She and her blog are both adorable. Go check them out!

The Rules:

1. Thank and link back to who gave you the award.
2. Share 7 things about yourself.
3. Pass it along to 7 blogs you've recently discovered and enjoy!
4. Leave the recipients a note, telling them about the award.

Alrighty.... 7 things about me, here it is:

1. I talk to myself all the time! And recently have started to answer myself...
2. My dog is my baby, although he runs the show
3. I love having a routine, change and I are not the best of friends but we manage to get along
4. I am a high school dropout and hate that everyone in my classes are 5 years younger than I am. Well only cause now I'll be "old" when I get my PhD
5. I love to drive but get lost 80% of the time I go out
6. My favorite things to do with my "me" time are turn up the volume and dance or take a nice long bubble bath
7. I am a very different person from who I was a year ago and am proud of the changes I have made in my life

Wow that was hard to think of....

Now on with my ramblings! 

Over morning coffee with my mother, I came to the conclusion that CB now lives in my cell phone! How you ask? It's honestly very simple. Everything to do about him and I exist around my lovely crackberry. All of his pictures, or the pictures of things we've done together are in there. All the songs we like or that remind me of him are filed away in there. I can talk to him via e-mail, Facebook, or messenger just with a few clicks of a button. Oh and don't let me forget the best part, his real  life actual voice comes out of it too!!

Perfect Picture - Just how I picture it lol

I can't picture where he is or really grasp it, nor do I want to. I am proud of him for what he does but it is easier for me to be slightly oblivious to many factors. So from this I have concluded that he now lives in my phone for the time being. I can take him where ever I go, I'm never far from him. He sleeps in bed with me, he's in my pants...pocket (ha ha - couldn't resist. That should be number 8, I laugh at my own corny jokes), in a sense he is always within arms reach. If I'm feeling down, I have the picture of him sticking his tongue out at me, if I'm feeling lonely I have the picture of us together. 

Basically all of this is to say I do not know how the girlfriend and wives of earlier times survived deployment with out the amount of technology we have today. Kudos to them! I understand that they knew nothing different but knowing what I know now, in hindsight it just seems that much harder. You had to be home to get a telephone call, there was no instant messaging, no e-mail, no Skype, no nothing! Just letters.Thank you internet!

Well the snow came down last night and its gorgeous! I just feel bad for all the little trick-or-treaters tonight! I swear it was not this cold when I  use to go out, mind you that was many years ago but still!

Today is a day filled with rushing to write my paper, carving pumpkins, playing with 4 dogs, and giving out candy! I can't wait. I love the holidays!

I can't feel my toes!

Freakin winter is just around the corner! I can feel it. Time for snow tires, winter boots, cute scarves and mittens.

I love the first snow fall and it looks like its going to be on Halloween.
My lil sis (really close friend I grew up next door to and is like my little sister) and I went pumpkin picking the other day. We were all excited thinking we were going to go walk around a farm and get to pick our own pumpkins! Well we were very mislead. Turns out yea its on a farm but they've pre-picked all the pumpkins, rolled them around in some mud, over priced them, and then put them at their front entrance for you to chose from. The "sales lady" just hovered over us not saying a word it was really creepy. There was literally a 4 inch gap between her and I at one point. I just kept thinking to myself; yes lady, I'm going to pick that huge ass pumpkin covered in mud, stuff it under my jacket and hope you don't notice!! Come on...
Anyways now its onto carving them hopefully tonight.

My mom bought CB a little Christmas tree to send off to him. We still have to go get him some lights and a stocking and of course stocking stuffers. I am going to force this boy into loving holidays, I swear it. I'm still debating on whether I should send his gift to him or just give him a picture of what it is. I want to get him that thing you add to PS3 to make it like the Wii but I'm just not sure how well it will survive over there.

I wanted to send his Grandma a Christmas card with photos of him but the only ones I have that she doesn't are horrible. He either looks great in one and I look like I'm on drugs or vice versa. I need to find a way to edit them that it doesn't look horrible and I'm not about to buy photoshop and try and figure it our. Any other ideas?? I could always just crop myself out and send his photos...not a bad idea!

Well I am off to find socks as my toes are now blue.

"The pain of parting is nothing to the joy of meeting again"
-Charles Dickens

Jealousy is an ugly green monster!

I kinda got an update about CB today through Cece which is awesome!!! She got to talk to him yesterday after I missed his call because of my stinkin interview. I knew he was going to call while I was there, I told my mom, and he did. 

Well I asked her for an update on him since I hadn't gotten to talk to him and she wouldn't say a damn thing! All I got out of her was "he's good". Then she went on and on about how much she misses him and all that. I sympathized with her and tried to tell her look at how far we've already come and he'll be home before we know it. The only thing that got at me was how she wouldn't answer any of my questions about him. I feel like she's trying to keep everything for her self. 

I understand they have their own relationship and yes she might like to keep certain things between them, that's fine, I get it! But how could she only say "he's good"?!?! How come she can't understand my needs and wants and just dismiss them like I'm not going through this too?

In sticking to my new stay positive outlook I have decided to take away from this situation:

• He's okay!
• I'm happy they had such a nice long chat, they deserve it
• He should be able to have access to the phone again in the next few days hopefully and I can get my own update from him

So speaking of that interview yesterday, what a waste of time!

I waited around for 30 minutes for her to interview me. I understand its retail, you can't always leave your customers but she could've handed them off to the other sales associate who wasn't busy. What really got to me was she couldn't tell me how many hours she was hiring for, what she's able to pay me, and if she was looking for seasonal or permanent.

Clearly to me this means they're paying minimum, it's only for the x-mas season, and they're firing everyone they hire right after. Which is FINE! But just come right out and say it so that if I were to accept the job I could know to keep looking for other things so I'm not screwed come January. I'm in no position to say no to a job, just be honest! I think I might have scared her by being so straightforward and asking those questions because she was really struggling to come up with an answer for me, she just kept talking in circles.

Oh well, off to hand out more resumes. The right job is out there somewhere!

Interview Today

AHHH!!!! I hate interviews.... I hate starting new jobs

Ever since I walked out of my job mid-shift a few weeks ago I have been sending out resumes like crazy, although the lazy way and online, and getting no responses. I was sitting here telling myself you're 24 its time to get a job outside of sales and maybe more customer service orientated since I'm very comfortable and capable at it. So I applied to banks, furniture stores (as receptionists), hotels, you name it anything that wasn't a clothing or shoe store. Well then yesterday rolled around and I started to realize I'm running out of money I need a job ASAP, so I applied to a clothing store at about 12pm yesterday afternoon.... at 2pm they were calling to schedule an interview. Okay so it's incredibly flattering but WHY can't I get a different kind of job?!?!
Oh well they sell awesome clothes and I'm super excited. Sales hours work well with school hours.
Now it's time to cross you're fingers and toes for me!! Lets hope I get it.

A (my girlfriend from school) and I are suppose to meet up today for coffee or wine later tonight and I can't wait! We realized we haven't seen each other in about 6 months! She went home for the summer and ever since she's been back our schedules have not matched up at all. She's the first friend I made since I moved here and I adore her.

We met in our first year psychology class and we always use to go grab a coffee and a cigarette together between classes and just talk. Meeting her was exactly what I needed when I started school. We get along so well and have such an easy time relating to one another. I can not wait to catch up with her. We joked that it's been so long we'd probably end up talking for days to make up for the time lost.

I haven't heard from CB since Sunday :(
I really got spoiled with the way things were before and now I'm reminding myself that he said this would happen and its normal. DO NOT PANIC! I do feel guilty for leaving over the weekend since I missed some good quality chat time with him. But today is all about being positive so I keep reminding myself of how special our next phone call will be because it's no longer an every day occurrence.

I am officially done with being sad and down about him being away. I realize there will be days that are hard but as of right now I am putting on my big girl panties, picking myself up and going back to being the girl he fell in love with. AND THAT'S THAT!
...lol watch me turn into a complete emotional mess tomorrow...

Oh and on another quick rant - I got one midterm mark back and I am 0.3% away from an A-.... How the hell do you argue for a 0.3% on a multiple choice exam?!?!?!! Ah well

Other peoples opinions

Why is it that everyone is so quick to give me their take on my situation?
Everyone all of a sudden is a grade A judge on my relationship, deployment, infidelity, and much, much more!

I spent the weekend back in my hometown with friends, which I was so excited to do because it meant 3 days of staying busy and not sitting around my phone and logged into FB waiting for CB to hopefully log on. Everything started off great until we started playing beerpong. I took my sweater off cause I was loosing and the drinks were making me warm. Well everyone saw CB's tags since I wear them 24/7 and this started a conversation about him and I, which was fine at the start. But then of course they all turned into know it alls and started with the whole "You don't even know if he's coming back or when, why would you put yourself through this?" "How do you know he isn't cheating on you over there?" All sorts of questions and comments you don't want to hear period, let alone while you've been drinking. I kind of ignored their questions and excused myself to the bathroom to go cry.

I hate that their questions affected me. I hate that they felt the need to do this to me. Needless to say I couldn't get out of their fast enough and I spent the last night there with different friends.

I haven't spoken to CB in a few days and I'm pretty down about it. I know once I talk to him I'll be able to wash this weekend off of me so to speak.

We're almost at the 4 week mark, it's actually going by faster than I thought it would. YAY :)

*What I miss about him most - sitting with him as he plays video games and teasing him about how bad he is until he puts the controller down to start tickling me

Skype - Love it or Leave it?

CB and I just got off  a little Skype date and it was awesome. We've been on a few times in the last couple of days and its amazing. I didn't think I was going to be able to see his face, his smile, his silly faces, just him for months so this is a real treat for me. I can't stop smiling the entire time were on it that my cheeks kill after were done. 

He's like a little kid while we are on, he has to show me everything! "Look this is what I did today" and up pops this huge maze he spent the afternoon drawing. "Oh, and I did this too!!" and up pops a poorly drawn Cartman drawing. The best was 
"Hey, do you wanna see what else I did today?" 
Me: umm...sure
He stands up and shows me this HUGE hole in his pants only to sit back down with a huge grin on his face "I ripped my pants!!!" 
I think he's a little bored... but that makes me happy because it probably means he hasn't done anything yet. Don't get me wrong I don't want him to sit there and be bored, I know he needs his adrenaline fix and all that, but is it that wrong of me to take comfort and hope that he has quiet days?


Now the only draw back to these Skype dates I've found is I MISS HIM MORE when they're over. I crave being in his arms all that much more.


Now as far as my midterms I'm glad they're over! One had the potential of being a real pain in the ass but I think I was pretty well prepared for both of them so now it's just a matter of waiting to see how I actually did. I'm horrible, as soon as I get home from the exams I always end up telling my mom "but I want to know my mark now!!". I'm incredibly impatient with things like that. If I failed I want to know NOW! And If I got a good mark I want to celebrate NOW! 

I got to campus early and went to go sit outside the room to look over my notes before it was time to go in. There was a group I recognized from class so I joined them and we all started talking about the exam. All of a sudden this girl comes out of the class room we're waiting to go into with this completely depressed look on her face. She walks up to the group, she knew one of the other girls, and said she hoped we studied cause the test was hard. So once we realized the class before us was writing the exact same test we started stopping everyone that came out to ask them about it. They all said the same thing and they all looked mindfucked walking out.  Our professor, Mrs. Monotone, is incredibly lazy and gave both classes the exact same exam, she's not too bright. 


Anyways now we wait! 


*What I miss about him most today - laying on the sofa watching Lost and him playing with my toes. 

Facebook Stalker

I need to vent!
I do not understand the need of some girls, okay mainly this one girl, to stalk men, aka my boyfriend, on facebook.
I have never met this girl before and I'm sure she is a very nice girl but she needs to get a life! She is all over his ass and it disgusts me. The second he posts anything she (within like 5 minutes) has a comment posted or has "liked" it. She claims to have a boyfriend yet her nose is so far up CB's ass I find this hard to believe. She knows he has a girlfriend because he says she has asked about me, not that he has responded so again I ask WHY?!?! What satisfaction do you gain from liking everything he does on facebook and having a comment for every single one of his comments?

I seriously feel like e-mailing her, but I wont because I don't feel the need to be super dramatic. But if I did I would say:
"I'm glad you take such interest in CB, he is an awesome guy. But please keep in mind he is with me and your desperate attempts of communicating with him are extremely embarrassing for yourself and annoying for us. I'm sure your boyfriend would greatly appreciate if you spent all the time stalking my boyfriend on facebook perhaps with him instead."
Grrrr

Anyways I cried like a mad woman last night so this afternoon I have decided to list all the reasons why I can enjoy the fact that he is away.

1. I don't have to shave my legs everyday
2. I can have coffee as soon as I wake up in the morning, he doesn't have a machine at his pace
3. I can sleep diagonally in the bed
4. I can enjoy taking a shower, as appose to waiting for him to give me a turn under the shower head
5. I don't have to get all dressed up or worry about how I look as much
6. I don't have to live out of a travel bag 
7. I have a full choice of clothes every day
8. My dog can sleep in my bed with me
9. I get more reading for school done
10. I get to spend more time with my mom

Off to class, lets hope I don't fall asleep from Mrs. Monotone

Rule # 3!!

Another day, another rule!
And here it is:

•  Do not go over to his house while he is away!

Cece asked me to come over to spend some time with her at the condo, CB's condo that is, which I've been avoiding for a while now but finally gave in because I had to pick up some things he had asked for.  Well I was right in wanting to avoid going over. It hurt like hell. I knew exactly what was going to happen...

I parked my car, got out, and walked to the front door and I froze. I knew the second I rang the doorbell what I would feel and what I would expect. I stood there for a minute lost in memory. This exact moment is one I always look forward to so very much when he is home. After spending a week away from each other, I love the anticipation of walking from my car to his front door, ringing the bell, feeling my butterflies grow in my stomach as I see him come down the stairs and the best part of getting to kiss and hug him as soon as that door opens.

Well tonight was very different. Tonight I froze. Tonight the legs I saw coming down the stairs were not his. The face looking at me with a smile in the window was not his. The kisses I got as a greeting were on the cheeks and not from his lips. Tonight the person that greeted me was not him. This hurt more than I was prepared for. This I kept to myself.

We had coffee, we talked, she showed me her room that she just painted, we ate pickles, we had a good time. But it just felt like he was missing the whole time. She feels the same way I do, it's hard on her as well so I take some comfort in that. We have each other to a certain degree. I can just never tell her how uncomfortable I am there, it isn't fair to her. So I'll suck it up and hopefully keep our meetings out in the public.

The second to worst part was going into his room. I just wanted to climb into his bed, curl up with his pillow and sob. Obviously that would be bad quest etiquette, so I held myself back. It wasn't easy. I just kept reminding myself he wasn't the last person to sleep there so hugging his pillow would just be creepy, I'd be curling up with his brother's smell. So what did I do? I stole his cologne!!! Okay so technically it's not stealing cause I asked him if I could before hand, but still.

CB called today so that put me in a great mood. We were talking about his care package and what not and he asked for a "mixed tape". Now I'm not sure if hes serious or not but obviously I'll send one anyways. I figure I'll go super corny and put a bunch of old school love songs or all Britney Spears. He's played a few of her slow songs a couple of times we were together so I figured that might make him laugh.

The other idea I got was a DVD of video clips of me with little messages. I originally just wanted to e-mail him a clip of me saying hi but he said it wasn't a good idea. When he mentioned the mix tape I got the idea of a "mix tape" DVD. Now as far as all the different messages I'll send I have to think of something cute fast cause I'd like to ship everything Monday. I'm open to suggestion!! Please help!

*What I miss about him most - his warmth.

2 weeks! New rule!

I realized the other day while I was talking with lil sis that I have to stop being negative. As much as I want to say "Oh My GOD! It's only been 2 weeks!!!!" I need to think " Oh wow, it's already been two weeks!!" Except .....except,except,except I can't help but add "22 more to go" with a sarcastic tone in my head. I want to kick my own ass! I feel like I am self sabotaging. This is no longer aloud! It's officially a rule!

...Oh and as for crying on city buses, that is also no longer allowed and also a rule!

I scared the life out of myself this morning.
I wondered downstairs after waking up to let the dog out and in search of a nice cup of last nights left over coffee. Get the dog out the back door and a mug in the microwave, things are starting off great! I go to check on Pooper and watch him while I wait for the magical *BEEP*your coffee is now reheated *BEEP*. Well as I turned around to walk back to the kitchen I notice what looks to be like a man sitting on the sofa and I screamed! I was so caught off guard I tripped and landed on my ass. Apparently I had left Huge-O downstairs last night and I thought he was a real person. My mom came down laughing at me knowing exactly what had just happened. She told me after we were done laughing he creeped her out a few times last night too as she was moving around the kitchen and living room.
Anyways just in case your wondering, the coffee was wonderful!

CB's game, Medal of Honor? (how bad is that I ordered it, paid for it, opened the box, and I still can't tell you the name of the thing...) came in yesterday! He's going to be super excited....in about a month from now lol. I'm getting all the last things together for his care package. Canada post apparently has free shipping from October 18th to January 2nd which is super awesome but I've been warned to expect some issues with them. Apparently they don't understand or like the protocol  I have to follow in order to ship anything to him, they want full information on the box and apparently this usually results with forcing them to make a phone call or taking the parcel somewhere else. Hopefully this is not the case here and it's just an exaggerated story someone decided to tell me.

Mid terms are on Wednesday, I have entered mini panic mode, I expect to hit full panic freak out by about Tuesday afternoon. PLEASE BE MULTIPLE CHOICE!!!!!!

*What I miss about him most - his love for my shoes, I need new boots and hes so supportive of my shoe addiction. He so fun to shop with and I love how we go shopping for me but we end up shopping for him. I could watch him change all day.

Crying in public is not okay!

Have you ever noticed when you hear a new word or phrase all of a sudden it's everywhere?? Well apparently it's the same concept for things you miss. Miss something and you will see signs, hints, and many other things that remind you of what you miss.

What the hell am I going on about? CB! I miss him.
There was a man who smelt like him on the bus. There were men in camo everywhere, I swear I saw at least 5 of them. Not to mention how many people I noticed in D.U.'s. Of course I think I noticed every single cute couple on campus. Every lecture I had today somehow tied in either military training, clips of the soldiers away at war, and PTSD.  Oh and lets not forget how my playlist only seemed to have sappy songs on it.
(This is me noticing psychological theories in action, if you are in a sad mood you pick up on "sad" cues, if you are in a good mood you will notice more positive cues.)

Anyways, all of this just to say I cried in the middle of a packed city bus......

No, I did not sob like a mad person and start hyperventilating. I am not that insane.

You see.. what happened was the bus was crowded, I gave my seat to an elderly woman and was left standing. I had one hand holding onto a bar for dear life with the other trying to keep my heavy ass bag on my shoulder (freaking laptop apparently gained weight and now weighs a ton). Now that's all fine and dandy, I'm use to it.

What is not all fine and dandy? Me being all down and out missing CB and a playlist that insists on playing every single sad song I have ever downloaded one right after the other. I mean it went from Lifehouse to Sia to Marron 5 to Boys II Men (yes you may laugh at my music choices). Now normally I would just reach into my pocket and just skip over songs or reshuffle everything, and I did try when I felt my eyes getting watery but every time I tried I failed, epically.The first time my bag fell right off my shoulder. The second time I let go of the bar when we were stopped just to have the bus take off by the time I had unsnapped my pocket, I almost landed on my ass. Thank you kind sir who caught me.

Only picture a woman, on a bus, falling in a crowd backwards, not forwards. Not exactly sure what search words should be used to find that photo on Google image so you'll have to use your imagination a little to edit this one.

By the 3rd time it was too late my eyes had been tearing up this whole time and my mantra to myself "crying in public is not okay:" apparently was useless because among a bunch of strangers I began to cry...

The tears just rolled down my checks and I couldn't stop them. My emotions overtook me and I became helpless to fight them. I have come to the conclusion I am suffering from either a very big case of the "blues" or a very,very mild depression....
To get over this the plan is as follows: get a job, make some money, get a gym membership and work out. Working out releases endorphins and endorphins make you happy. Pssh who needs psychologist when you can self diagnose and develop your own action plan to getting better!

*What I miss about him most - his innocent  "I wasn't doing anything" face when hes being mischievous

Ring Ring Ring goes the phone

I am officially in love with my phone, especially when I see private name and private number.

These are very odd words to come out of my mouth...err typed by my hands... because 2 weeks ago I hated being being on the phone and I never answered private calls. 

Yes, you guessed it! I got a phone call today and what an amazing phone call it was. The others have been awkward a little and this one was just amazing. We laughed, we joked, we flirted, we were us. It was nice. 

I apologized to him for my obsessive amounts of e-mails, he told me I didn't have to stop and that they made him smile. So yay for me! I get to continue with my little habit that somehow gives me comfort. I would have never thought that sending an e-mail would be so therapeutic, even when it's only one line or two. 

I started applying for jobs today... 3 banks, 1 hotel, 1 tanning salon, and 1 retail store. Keeping my fingers crossed for the banks! Wish me luck! Although I would have to go buy grownup clothes if I get the bank job... I only have 1 pair of dress pants, and 1 blazer that's suitable for fall and winter oh and 1 blouse that may not fit anymore...I must confess, with CB away I've obviously been down and have been self medication with snacks...maybe I should apply to a gym!!!!

Off to study more, exams in 1 week!

*What I miss about him most today - EVERYTHING!!!!!!

Stupid youtube

I stupidly watched a stupid video on youtube and have been crying off and on ever since.
I should not be left alone to my own devices...

Tonight is the first night I'm sitting here thinking...How strong am I really? Can I do this?How am I going to do this? How will this change me?

No one around me understands what I'm going through. They all just say "you're crazy, I don't know why you'd put yourself through this." or "6 months is nothing, it'll go by fast."

Well listen here ladies! I didn't choose this! It came along with the man I love, it's happening to us. 6 months is half a year, it is long. I bet you would think differently of how long 6 months is if I threatened to take away your cell phone for that. Yes, I realize saying it's not that long of a time period is the nice thing to say but I don't want to hear it right now. Right now 6 months seems really, really long. Right now 6 months is longer than we have been together. In 6 months I'll finish a regular school year. In 6 months the leaves will all fall, the snow will blanket us, I will fall countless times, eventually it will melt and when its all melted and gone and the trees start budding he should be on his way home. In 6 months I will break down endless times, sleep alone for 180 nights, need him more than I'll probably ever let him know, get frustrated, among many, many other things.

Today the days seem long, the nights seem cold, I feel weak, alone, and afraid.
The only thing I'm sure of at this moment is that I love him, my heart is breaking, and I will be there waiting for him when he comes home.  Oh and I'm an emotional wreck right now and I really need to invest in waterproof mascara.

Shut The Front Door!

What do you get when you quit your job?
Apparently in my case the answer is MONEY!

I came home to check the mail today and BOOM a government check, okay so it was only 80$ but I'm jobless at the moment and money is money. So my next step was to check my school e-mail and what do I find in my inbox? More money!!!!! I got accepted for a bursary that will cover almost all of next semesters tuition!
Needless to say I was doing my happy dance around the kitchen as I waited for my coffee to brew. I'm pretty sure the dog was looking at me thinking "She's nuts!!How did I end up with her as my mommy?"

I spent over an hour on the phone with my best friend, who we will call Bella, tonight. It was great catching up with her. We haven't spoken in what seems like over a month. Life gets busy. We made plans for me to go down and visit in a couple of weeks, once I wrap up my mid terms. It's much easier now that I'm jobless! Tons of free time! Not that I can stay jobless for long, the bills have this habit of rolling around everyone month and they actually expect to be paid... Sheesh...

No contact with CB today so I spent the day planning out his care package so far I have planned to send

• Lots of letters
• A small empty picture album he can fill up with the photos I will send
• A few pictures
• Peanut butter M&M's (he had no idea these existed until I showed him how awesome they are. If you haven't tried them I highly suggest you do! Unless you are allergic...)
• Medal of Honor - I pre ordered it as to avoid having to stand with all the gamers on release day...
• Tanning oil & sunscreen
• A book of sudokus

This is where I need some help. I want to send a board game of some sort, I surfed Toys R Us for a while and only ended up more confused.... I can't decide which one

Trouble? Sorry? Clue? Risk? Operation? Life?
Any suggestions???
I wanted to send Lego too but apparently Lego has decided you should no longer have an imagination and can only build what they have decided for you beforehand. I have now renamed Lego to Lame.

*What I miss about him most - Laying in bed side by side with him reading "Flipping houses for dummies" and me "studying" until it turns into us both reading flipping houses for dummies together.

What did I do!!

I quit my job today, right smack in the middle of my shift.
What did I do right after? Go look for another job? No!Study? Hell no! Went to Canadian Tire with a friend and spent the rest of the day putting up Halloween decorations and Christmas lights.

Boldloft.com

I missed 2 calls from CB today. I knew he was going to call and I even e-mailed to tell him I was at working but noooo.  *Note to self - GET VOICEMAIL!!!*

I have officially become addicted to HGTV.

That is all.

*What I miss about him most - how he refuses to let me win when we play fight, and how he makes excuses for my legs being stronger than his arms. He is such a manly man lol

Te amo

 I'm far too emotional today to write a personal entry tonight so I've decided to just copy and paste my e-mail to CB.

Hi Hotstuff,
Well I'm getting ready for bed which means you should be getting ready to get out of bed soon. I hope you slept well.

Today is hard, I missed you a lot. I think it's slowly setting in you're really away for the next while. I put a bunch of new songs on my blackberry to listen to on my way to school and this really sad one kept playing today that I didn't even know I had downloaded. It made me cry, thank god I hadn't left the house yet. I swear no matter how many times I shuffled or skipped the song it just kept popping up, I almost cried on the bus home lol. I don't know why I'm so sad today, I've gotten to speak to you more often than I thought I would so we know it's not that. I'll miss talking to you tomorrow since I'll be stuck at work, boo! Hopefully tomorrow isn't a day you decide to call since I still haven't gotten voice mail added to my phone.

My mid terms are in exactly 2 weeks from today so it's time to buckle down and really start studying! I can't believe how fast they came around. I have a week off after they're done so I'm thinking of heading to Montreal for a few days to keep busy.

On other news my cars check engine light has come on. Can you guess where I'm not taking it to have it looked at? Canadian Tire!! Hopefully I just need oil or something. My mom and I were talking about putting our winter tires on soon. When you come home it'll be time for summer tires, YAY!!

Have you tried your new protein yet? Or had a chance to start working out? You better still be the fuzzball champion, or else!

I keep picturing and replaying our last hug over and over in my mind.
I love you.
I miss you.
I hate to say this but today I need you, I'm sorry.

Happy Dance!!!

I got my first phone call from CB today!! I almost missed it actually.

I woke up this morning and made my way downstairs to the smell of coffee brewing. Still being half asleep I decided to grab a cup before it had even brewed half the pot, big mistake! Way too strong. Add a little sugar, add a little milk, and sat down to have my morning cigarette with mom.
Out of no where, I thought I heard my phone ringing. I bolted up the stairs, start throwing my duvet around till my phone falls out and I see "Incoming Call - Private Name Private Number". I mentally tell myself don't get too excited, it's probably a wrong number or a telemarketer.
Me: Hello?
Caller:...
Mental thought - there is suppose to be a delay in the timing when he calls, holly shit it might be him! Fuck! Stop getting excited it's probably rogers calling for money.
Me: Hello????
Caller: Hi
Mental thought - YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
Me: HI!!!!!!
Caller: Hey, its _____!
Me: I KNOW!!!
I cried as soon as we hung up. It made the situation real. It sunk in that he isn't at regular work, he's at war....
Wow, that was hard to even write...I can't bring myself to say it out loud.

I have to send a care package off ASAP because apparently he's already getting sun burnt and forgot a few things. I'm just waiting for his PS3 game that I pre-ordered to come in early next week. I need to come up with some more ideas of things to send him because he gave me some huge boxes to ship things in and I can't send them like 1/4 full. Any suggestions?




Onto other news
I hate my job!!!!!

Okay so that's not news...Someone give me the strength to at least last till the end of this week before I walk out.

*What I miss about him most today - they way he smells, his cologne, his deodorant, even his sweaty stinky smell. I miss it all!

Tortured Toes!

Somebody please!! Rub my feet! They have gone numb from spending 10 hours in torturous heels thanks to my lovely, lovely job! Asides from that work was great!

I got my first e-mail from CB today! I saw it on my lunch break and I started freaking out! It was just a quick little note but it was awesome cause I didn't think I'd hear from him for the next week or so. It made me laugh. I had e-mailed him first to remind him what my cell number was, I had a feeling he never got around to memorizing it due to speed dial. Well I was right! Apparently I read his mind because he logged in to ask for it but HA I had already sent it. Damn I'm good! lol

I have officially finished day 3 of 180. I really need a calender to start crossing the days off.

I'm sitting here watching this new show Sister wives...Have you seen this crap they call a show?
This new potential wife, Robin?, wont stop crying for nothing! The first wife semi threatened to leave if he marries the new wife but says she wont cause shes too committed.
Anyways all I'm going to say about this is, polygamy is not for me! I'd kill my sister wives. They would not even make it to the title of sister wife, nor would my husband live every long for suggesting it!


177 more days to do!
*What I miss about him most today - his funny shower routine, and how he thinks I can't tell when he's peeing in the shower

Day 1 of 180

Today is the day I've been dreading....Today is the day he left.

 I tried my best not to cry in front of him when we said goodbye and I did pretty well till I sat in my car for a minute. I thought of how cold I might have been in trying to be strong so I, being a little dramatic, jumped back out of my car and ran over to him as he walked to his and told him I needed a better hug. I couldn't hold back my tears this time.

To look at the silver lining if you will I've been telling myself that today is the farthest day away from him being home. Everyday after is one day closer to him coming home.

I took the week off of work to spend with him and it was great. Except...well his best friend moved in about a month ago and she has really made things awkward at times. She got grumpy or something this week and it just got out of hand.

CB and I were looking at potential real estate properties online one night, he wants to start flipping when he gets home, and she freaked out! She thought we were looking to buy a house for ourselves and really didn't like the idea of it. There was a number of other things that took place but this is one of my top two piss offs from her so far.

It took me a minute to figure out why this upset her so much but I did it! CB and her agreed for her to stay with him till she found a job and then found a place. They estimated it would take about as long as he would be away for, 6 months. WRONG. This is not her plan. Her plan is to stay until she is done school. She has no intention of leaving for the next 2 years.

It just didn't make the checklist to come to my conclusion

How did I figure this out you ask? There were a lot of clues...
1. She wanted to get a dog with him
2. She has not picked up a classified add since she got here for a place or for a job
3. She has not written a resume
4. She has refused to find a job that will force her to speak English, it's her second language
5. Way to many to list
6. I caught her come out right and say it!

Now this isn't a huge deal, right? It better not be, but early indicators say it might be. I told CB right off the bat of what I feel her intentions are, he claims he didn't realize it but agrees with me, and that I do worry about how her living with him for the next 2 years may influence our relationship. I only get to see him on weekends when he is home, now on top of that I have to make sure I leave enough time for them to spend together otherwise she gets cranky?
Poor CB stuck in the middle...

Just a quick note on the second thing she did that's eating at me. She had her final dinner with him one night, her plans got canceled on the night him and I were suppose to have our last dinner together so I asked her to join us. It was sushi, nothing fancy, what did I care if she tagged along? That is until CB sat on the side of the table set for one and she sat on the side of the table set for two directly in-front of him. I spent the whole dinner as the 3rd wheel. Thank god it wasn't a romantic dinner...
I realize it's childish and I sucked it up and didn't say a thing and enjoyed our meal just the same, but it still really ticked me off! I feel like she's forcing her self on me, and between us.

Well it's officially the end of day one. 179 more to go.
I've got his hoodie on and Huge-O in bed with me.
I hate not knowing where he is....
Sweet dreams

*What I miss about him most - the way he says "ME!!" when he wants affection, it always makes me smile.