I know, I've been almost non existent with my blogging lately but I just haven't had anything new to say.
I'm still struggling with being in the middle of deployment. I feel like time has been standing still, mocking me. Well you know what Mr. Time? I have some news for you! Today is the first day of the new year. This is a major milestone to me. As of midnight last night I have proof that time is moving forward, we are now in the year 2011, the year CB will come home! No matter how slow you decide to move, Mr. Time, you can not take this away from me! So HA to you Mr. Time.
Speaking of the new year, I had plans to ring it in alone at home with my doggie but ended up spending it with friends of the family which was nice. It was pretty tame but I was glad to have the company. I came home at about 1 am, opened a bottle of CB and I's favorite wine and enjoyed a glass for the both of us. It was the only way I could think of to keep him with me and I enjoyed it.
The hardest part of last night was driving to my friends house. I have to pass CB's place on my way to their house and as I approached the stop sign to turn onto CB's street , you can see his place from there, all these emotions hit me at once. I felt like I should be turning onto his street, it felt wrong driving past his house.This really caught me off guard because CB and I do not have a new years eve routine, we haven't spent new years ever together yet. I started telling myself this and yet the tears still came as I passed his place.
I had sent CB an e-mail earlier that day knowing I wouldn't be around when it hit midnight where he is. I wished him a happy new year and told him to make sure him and the boys keep each other busy so the night is a little easier on them all. I can't even imagine what they go through emotionally being separated from their loved ones. CB doesn't open up very much about stuff like that since he's been gone. Sure he tells me he misses me and loves me but thats as deep as he goes into it and I don't push for more. In my mind I feel like if I ask to much about it, it will only make it harder and I also tell myself he is in "work mode" so I can't expect him to be the big suck he usually is when he's home. I will admit that it is making it harder to stay emotionally connected to him but I know that it's just temporary.
I do know that I can not picture my life without this wonderful man in it. I will do and endure whatever it takes to make this relationship work. He is the love of my life.
My new years resolution, not that I usually make or keep them, is to blog more. I forgot how lighter this makes me feel after I have written out a post.
Happy New Years to everyone!! May you all have a wonderful and blessed year.